Thank you for that split second!

I wish things could move quicker. I wish I already was…somewhere else. This feeling comes each time there is a difference between what my soul and body want and long for, and what my mind knows it ‘should’ do. I wish I made time move faster, even if that means getting older. Sometimes ‘better’ means ‘further in time’, as if at a later stage, somehow, everything will miraculously get better. I tend to forget that the only one that can make things better is myself, no one else! It’s like it is enough for time to pass, with me watching from the side, not engaging, not participating. Of course, now I know this ‘good old’ feeling, and each time it comes by, I remember an old friend and how I dealt with it for the first time.

A while ago, I was not happy with who I was, where I was, what I was doing, my job, my finances, my place in the Universe, myself! I was living every day with the need to get away, run as far and as fast as possible, hide, never talk to anyone else, never interact with anyone, vanish. I was constantly looking for other job opportunities, some of them extremely far away from home. I felt the need to escape, get rid of all my surroundings and completely change my entire life overnight. I was applying for different jobs in a frenzy manner, I didn’t have the patience to talk to people, I was irritated and constantly annoyed. Couldn’t find my place and felt like suffocating.

I couldn’t see the people nearby anymore, nor listen to them talk, let alone have the patience to hear them preach. I was reading a lot of books, self-improvement articles, stories and yet, I couldn’t find MY way out of my life. I was so stressed and would consume a lot of effort every single day. I also gained weight, that, obviously, made things worse.

Then, one day, while being at work, I met someone. Even with all that chaos going through my mind, it was impossible for me to not notice that person. Actually, when we met and shook hands, the moment hit me like a wave. What exactly happened…I don’t know. But the whole situation made my mind trip for a split second, time in which my soul finally got a breath of fresh air for not being assaulted with stress all the time, and I relaxed entirely. It was like that person could see right through me! It was a weird, new situation for me, strange, awkward, you name it! But first, it gave me that break of a split second from the whirl that my mind was caught in.

In time, we started talking, about work, justice, joy, life in general. Slowly, my mind got relaxed more and more, slowed down the pace and could function properly again. All our conversations were in a different tone, one that had nothing to do with gossip or negativity or known attitudes until then. It was exactly what my soul needed at that particular moment.

I stopped running away from my life, and started observing it: where was I?, why was I there?, what was I doing there?, did I like it?, could I improve it somehow?. But all these without stress or panic. Just contemplating without labeling, without throwing blames, without accusing or wining. So I relaxed, took one day at a time and for the first time since I could ever remember, I felt I enjoyed life! I had a few sparks now and then about the fact that life is easy, life is joyful, happiness is for everyone, including myself. And although it took a while, and they have been put down a few times, those little sparks, became flames, and the flames became an everlasting light.

That was everything that my mind needed: a split second in which someone would distract it from everything that it was running away from! And so, I found out that running away from something never helps! If I really want to run, it should be towards my goal, not away from sorrow.

Thank you, dear friend! Thank you for giving me that so needed split second!