I Have Time

Today I am thinking about time, I have been thinking about it for a while, this abstract ‘demon’ so called ‘time’.

I have read about it a lot, there are different theories around the world, from quantum physics to neuroscience studies, from literature and joy to ordeal and sorrow. Time can be any of these, and anything in between too.

But above all these ideas, what matters the most in the end is how each of us sees the time. In the end, it is a subjective matter, as nobody can live our life in our place. So, amongst other things, such as the body or the subjective interpretation of life events, time is also something proprietary, with no absolute meaning (we don’t even have the same hour indicated on different time zones!), but although measurable up to a certain point, is has profound subjective impact.

I have been asked how do I find time to do the different things I do, when do I do them and how do I manage to get everything done. Well, my answer is easy: time is something I HAVE. It is mine, so I can fully use it as I desire. What we ‘own’ (I will explain in a different post what I mean by owning something), we can use limitless, in our own way and to our best purpose.

I never saw time as an enemy. I know some people do. They fight with the age, with the surrounding events, with change, with time in general. Fight is never good anyways, and doesn’t bring us much joy, so from the beginning, the idea of fighting time is wrong. I like time, I like it when I feel the need to rush and run to catch the bus/plane/etc., but I don’t feel bad, frustrated, angry or disappointed if I don’t catch that ride. Everything comes and goes in a spiral, so busses will, too. If I miss this one, I will catch the next one, or maybe I don’t even have to take the bus, a friend might appear on my way and give me a lift. I also like time when others might say they get that feeling that is passes extremely slow and seems like it will never go away. Yes, sometimes it can be painful, as for example when you watch someone suffering, in pain, in the hospital, sick, or when you wait for the result or a surgical intervention. But, it can also bring a certain kind of peace and awareness in the present, that can be used and seen as a blissful moment.

I remember a while ago, I had to spend a few weeks in the hospital. Time seemed like stuck forever! After getting over all the frustration and desperation feelings, I realized that I had other people around me in the same room, and I started observing them. We helped each other with whatever we could, based on our physical condition, we talked, laughed, spent sleepless nights. And the human interaction can never be useless. So, I found those moments filled with bliss, I often remember them, and I can honestly say I haven’t been traumatized by the medical experiences, I can hardly remember them. But I remember the sons that came to their mother’s bed every single day, the way they looked at her with care and affection. I remember my colleague that used to pray over her child every evening, and I would just close my eyes and listen to her praying voice. It was time well spent, I have no regrets.

Coming down to regrets, I met a lot of people that wished they could turn back time and do things differently. I am proud of my life, I like every single piece of it and wouldn’t change anything in it for anything in the world. Had I changed one little second, one insignificant decision, I wouldn’t have been here anymore. I heard people saying, ‘If I knew this a few years ago, my life would have been better!’. My question to them is: are you sure? Did you have the capability to acknowledge this a few years ago? Would you have been able to understand it with the mindset and attitude you had back then? Everything we do, all the time we spend on this planet is part of who we are. Regrets don’t make sense (I am not talking here about abominations or extremely disturbed behavior such as crime/murder/etc.) !

And in the end, how do I find my time? I guess it finds me. A thought crosses my mind, I make the decision to take action and I do it. I never wonder or question myself ‘do I have the time to do this?’. I have all the time in the world, especially for what matters to me. And if something seems like it doesn’t matter in the beginning, I look harder for a reason to make it matter. Because everything we do has an impact on us, transforms and helps us, so a reason for it to matter is not difficult to be found. In the case I really can’t find a motivation for an action, I draw the conclusion that it has a really, extremely low level of usefulness for me at that specific moment.

So, I find the time to do my gardening (I have one regret here, that summer doesn’t last for the whole year 😀 ), to paint (if I don’t take care of my soul, I surely can’t expect someone else to do  it in my place), to dream with my eyes open, to be a child, to make different connections between what I read and experiment and think about the meaning of life, to organize, prepare, do household, and also have a full time job. All these things mean something to me, they are all part of who I am, and who I am owns the time. My time is just like a toy in the hands of a child. I can play with it as I desire.