Remember the feeling before an exam? Being relaxed (or not 😀 ), waking up, getting ready for the day, walking down to school/high school/university and… getting all stressed up and worried once you make it into the crowd waiting before the doors of the examination room.

You know what you know, or what you don’t know, you were relaxed, but now the blood is pumping, heart pounding in your ears, breath is rapid and superficial, your adrenaline levels are sky rocketing!

Or maybe the idea of getting a surgery or any other kind of medical intervention (who hasn’t been at least once at the dentist’s?) sounds more familiar? You know you have to make it, you know you won’t get by without it, you know it would do you good. And you are maybe even relaxed, at peace and comfortable with the idea! But then, you get to the hospital and… it all goes down! You see all the people suffering, hurting, maybe even whining and you start having second thoughts, cold feet, doubts, you would do anything to escape that area.

It goes the same with almost all the aspects of our life: we get influenced by the ones surrounding us. We embrace their feelings, we kind of get contaminated with their feelings and impressions, and based on our endurance, we give in to their influence sooner or later. This is no secret, we influence each other without even realizing it, there have been numerous studies about presenting the same gestures as other people in the room, after spending a certain period in the companionship of those people, gestures taken unconsciously from our parents, care takers, friends, or even from people who we dislike. Although this is not wrong if we do it willingly, in order to “borrow” healthy habits or gestures, this can be very dangerous when done unconsciously. And it gets worse when, being presented with the facts, we dismiss them for not being true. This is the way we can be influenced up to manipulation, with our consent, without even knowing about it.

The more you spend time with a group of people, the more you get influenced by them in a lot of conscious and unconscious manners. Which is OK, it helps us evolve, learn and borrow skills from each other. But what happens when it holds us back? What if it gives us a view on life that is more restrictive than expansive? Do we go on with it? Do we fight it? Do we even realize it?

The fact is, it’s hard to realize that we “borrowed” indeed the thoughts or the reactions, because all this works at a subtle level, affecting directly our subconscious. We are set up from birth with the ideas, rules and impressions of the ones around us. We learn their words and their values, from the names and the differences between colors, to the meaning of good and evil in life. We are thought about “impossible” things and desirable outcomes. We are told stories and we make expectations. Depending on the stories we are told and the outcomes of the actions of the people around us, we draw our own conclusion: life is easy, life is hard, I will never make it, I will make it just like my ancestors, etc.

And we embrace this mentality, this mindset, passed through generations. It becomes our only reality and shapes our surroundings, defining who we are. We embrace it just like a fish, that spends its entire life under water, and if told that there are birds that can fly and breathe air, it categorizes as absurd and nonsense, because no fish has ever flown, therefor nobody can.

The only way to detach from this mindset that occupies every single millimeter of our lives, is to detach from it. No matter how much we are pressured to conform, no matter how much we are told to stop asking questions and to obey, we must detach from it and leave. From a good distance, all the aspects in a person’s life start making sense. From a healthy distance, we can even find reasons to laugh at our concerns, see the irrelevance in some of our wishes, and most importantly, see clearly what is benefic and healthy for us! Because nobody can tell us what is actually good for us, at least not as an absolute rule. We all have our unique way of being happy, satisfied with our lives, we know our own needs and possibilities.

Even if it’s hard to resist all the voices that suggest or demand you to obey and do things like everyone else, if you feel it’s not right, just leave! Go somewhere where you can be out of any influence, somewhere where you can feel and hear only yourself. Give yourself time to silence all the outside noise from your mind, breathe without hurry, spend some time in silence. Without external echo in your ears, you can make lifelong decisions, you discover your own possibilities and talents and you start living your own life.

And when you know for sure who you are, what you need and want, what is your approach on life, return and help change the odds. But remember to always go back to yourself, detach again, each time you feel your own will suffocated, because the way the mindset of the others affects us is an insidious process and it seems that the most contagious “disease” is fear.

It’s annoying, frustrating, hovering all over the place and won’t leave us alone. It’s here to stay, it was here from the first day and will stay with us for as long as we live. It’s on everyone’s mind as well as in their avoidance. When you feel you are right, you use it, but feel reluctant to do so when you don’t want to face the truth. It knocks down believes, hopes, assumptions and mainly mindsets. By all means, it shakes whatever was there before it was spoken, before someone asked it: Why?

This is the most hated use of words I personally have found up until now: asking someone “Why?”.

Whether it is related to a decision, an action, a statement, practically anything done by a human being, this question brings frustration, perplexity and even the worst out of some. As I am a “Why Child” (note: the kind of person who always asks for the reasons behind a decision, a task, everything surrounding them), this question is my friend, my foundation and the only one that can bring me clarity. I use it to understand and explore, it serves my curiosity, I find it calming and productive.

I have been told by different persons that this question annoys, upsets, irritates and even that is related to Ego and it should never be spoken. But I think this question, plus the responsibility it brings, deserve a lot more than they do today.

Everything happens for a reason, everything and everyone is connected, we work through each other, with the help of each other and can only grow and learn from each other. Every decision that we make, every step we take has some roots, and, of course, consequences. The “Why?” is a very good question to begin digging for these roots, in case maybe your reasons are not clear. I have found people, over time, more than happy to share their reasons, their strategy, their believes and values, and a big amount of other people who not only got scared and were left in shock by this question, but even became irritated and aggressive. I can understand if people don’t want to let others know their thoughts, but at least it would be nice to not lie to themselves. The only thing I consider impossible (although impossible does not exist) is to not know why a person did what they did. I will never be convinced that there are no reasons behind an act, or there was nothing in the doer’s mind. We think every second of something, we make decisions and take actions every moment, and it’s all based on our elaborate mindset. Maybe a person is not fully aware of their actions, but not starting to look into themselves for the “Why?” or dismissing it from the beginning is not helpful for anyone and leads only to lying to everyone.

This question can shatter worlds, can destroy systems and can definitely save us on every single occasion. Because everything is to be questioned, especially our own beings and believes. Why am I doing the things that I am doing? Is it because I wanted to? Why did I want to? Is it because of some bias? Am I thinking someone else’s thoughts? Am I living my own life? Am I doing things in the best way for me? Or am I tormenting myself just because someone told me I should do so? And this is just an example of how the “Why?” can open an entire Pandora’s box for a lot of people, and that is a good thing. With answering the “Why?” and going deeper and deeper, up to our root cause, we find out that the only responsibility for our actions belongs to ourselves!

And that, is scary! Because if you are the only one responsible for your own actions and thoughts, that means you can’t expect anyone to save you, that means you are nobody’s victim and you can change everything in an instance, based on one decision. That means you have to take action, invest energy, do something!

The “Why?” brings responsibility, which in turn makes us grow and mature. The more decisions we make, the more we ask ourselves everything about the reasons why we took those decisions, the more we can learn from our lessons and the more we can move on in our lives.

I have seen people stuck in vicious circles, asking themselves rhetorically “Why?” but more for the ears of the passers, than for a real true answer. Because, like everything that surrounds us, this is just a question, nothing more than that. Its real value is given by the one that uses it, so the question itself is not wrong! But it can be used, indeed, as an attack, as opposition or even as a strategy to play the victim instead of truly answering it (e.g. Why me?). It is entirely up to the user, just like everything else!

The question itself exists as a tool, it’s every person’s responsibility to make use of it. Why do we hate it? Because it acts as a mirror, brings out all the things we want to be buried, shows us our true self. And that can be a real pain for the Ego!