Why, oh, why???

It’s annoying, frustrating, hovering all over the place and won’t leave us alone. It’s here to stay, it was here from the first day and will stay with us for as long as we live. It’s on everyone’s mind as well as in their avoidance. When you feel you are right, you use it, but feel reluctant to do so when you don’t want to face the truth. It knocks down believes, hopes, assumptions and mainly mindsets. By all means, it shakes whatever was there before it was spoken, before someone asked it: Why?

This is the most hated use of words I personally have found up until now: asking someone “Why?”.

Whether it is related to a decision, an action, a statement, practically anything done by a human being, this question brings frustration, perplexity and even the worst out of some. As I am a “Why Child” (note: the kind of person who always asks for the reasons behind a decision, a task, everything surrounding them), this question is my friend, my foundation and the only one that can bring me clarity. I use it to understand and explore, it serves my curiosity, I find it calming and productive.

I have been told by different persons that this question annoys, upsets, irritates and even that is related to Ego and it should never be spoken. But I think this question, plus the responsibility it brings, deserve a lot more than they do today.

Everything happens for a reason, everything and everyone is connected, we work through each other, with the help of each other and can only grow and learn from each other. Every decision that we make, every step we take has some roots, and, of course, consequences. The “Why?” is a very good question to begin digging for these roots, in case maybe your reasons are not clear. I have found people, over time, more than happy to share their reasons, their strategy, their believes and values, and a big amount of other people who not only got scared and were left in shock by this question, but even became irritated and aggressive. I can understand if people don’t want to let others know their thoughts, but at least it would be nice to not lie to themselves. The only thing I consider impossible (although impossible does not exist) is to not know why a person did what they did. I will never be convinced that there are no reasons behind an act, or there was nothing in the doer’s mind. We think every second of something, we make decisions and take actions every moment, and it’s all based on our elaborate mindset. Maybe a person is not fully aware of their actions, but not starting to look into themselves for the “Why?” or dismissing it from the beginning is not helpful for anyone and leads only to lying to everyone.

This question can shatter worlds, can destroy systems and can definitely save us on every single occasion. Because everything is to be questioned, especially our own beings and believes. Why am I doing the things that I am doing? Is it because I wanted to? Why did I want to? Is it because of some bias? Am I thinking someone else’s thoughts? Am I living my own life? Am I doing things in the best way for me? Or am I tormenting myself just because someone told me I should do so? And this is just an example of how the “Why?” can open an entire Pandora’s box for a lot of people, and that is a good thing. With answering the “Why?” and going deeper and deeper, up to our root cause, we find out that the only responsibility for our actions belongs to ourselves!

And that, is scary! Because if you are the only one responsible for your own actions and thoughts, that means you can’t expect anyone to save you, that means you are nobody’s victim and you can change everything in an instance, based on one decision. That means you have to take action, invest energy, do something!

The “Why?” brings responsibility, which in turn makes us grow and mature. The more decisions we make, the more we ask ourselves everything about the reasons why we took those decisions, the more we can learn from our lessons and the more we can move on in our lives.

I have seen people stuck in vicious circles, asking themselves rhetorically “Why?” but more for the ears of the passers, than for a real true answer. Because, like everything that surrounds us, this is just a question, nothing more than that. Its real value is given by the one that uses it, so the question itself is not wrong! But it can be used, indeed, as an attack, as opposition or even as a strategy to play the victim instead of truly answering it (e.g. Why me?). It is entirely up to the user, just like everything else!

The question itself exists as a tool, it’s every person’s responsibility to make use of it. Why do we hate it? Because it acts as a mirror, brings out all the things we want to be buried, shows us our true self. And that can be a real pain for the Ego!