Two weeks ago, at the end of June, I went on my first Human Design immersion. As a short description, an immersion is meant to be the place where each type can observe itself and act, respond and be according to their Authority and Strategy. It is the place where one leaves the mind at the entrance door and starts listening to their body and all those silent feelings inside.

Although I still have to process those four days, which were so rich and amazing as if I lived a whole life during them, one moment, one feeling, had the main stage. One moment was the trigger of everything else, the moment when everything fell into place and felt right.

Before I tell the story about what happened, I would like to point out that Generators and Manifesting Generators, which make approximately 70% of the population, have the Sacral center (or chakra) defined. This center has to do with the life power, creativity, transformation, reproductivity and in general, joy. All people with a defined Sacral center should feel good in their own skin, so that they can attract the correct situations and people for them. If the connection with the Sacral response is lost, especially for people with Sacral authority, their entire life can just go shipwrecked. There are different types of authorities that people can have, depending on their type:

• Sacral Authority ~ 35% of the population – chose what you feel energizes you
• Splenic Authority ~ 11% of the population – chose what feels safe and insuring safety and survival
• Emotional Authority ~ 45% of the population!!! – wait for an entire emotional wave to pass, with all its highs and lows, before choosing something
• Environment / No inner Authority ~ 3% of the population – talk to other people and see them as “sounding boards”, before deciding to go on with a choice or not
• Self-Projected Authority ~ 3% of the population – listen to yourself speaking about something before you decide to choose it or not
• Lunar Authority ~ 1% of the population – wait 28 days before deciding on something
• Ego Authority ~ 1% of the population – let your words come out and flow, about a situation, before you make a decision, listen to yourself talking and figure out what is the best decision.

As I am an emotional Manifesting Generator, my Sacral center is defined, giving me my Generator definition, but on top of that I also have emotional authority, that means my Solar Plexus is defined as well, and I need to listen to my feelings, besides my Sacral center. The Sacral center answers in the now, for simple questions, and this can happen even to Emotional authorities. It is best to ask it questions like: Do I want to eat now? Do I feel this dress/shirt is right for me? Do I feel comfortable wearing this? The Sacral center can easily answer to that, with a feeling in your stomach. But, in our world, as we give more authority to the mind and mental processes than to what our instinct says, it can take a while to find and listen to this Sacral response. I wasn’t sure of it, of how it feels like, of how I could use it. On top of that, my Solar Plexus has waves, mood swings, it takes time to process big questions and decisions, like changing the house, career changes, moving to a different place, etc. I had already been working with my Emotional authority for the last couple of years, so I got used to always sleeping on a decision and not making hasty moves on my high or low wave. I hate waiting, but I realized that patience and waiting for things to unfold and reveal themselves in their own time, play out much better for me than pushing for something immediately. Plus, I took too many decisions when feeling in a good mood, that I felt sorry for afterwards. Indeed, I felt sorry because I hadn’t followed my Authority, and did not wait for my emotional wave to cool down or get in a neutral zone before making a decision. So, I already knew what my Authority was and how to use it, but I still felt drained, exhausted, lacking joy of life and satisfaction. For a Manifesting Generator, this is even worse than being dead. It’s like being dead on the inside, while still walking to work, doing your groceries and looking apparently normal.

I had no expectations from this immersion, but I felt it was for me, I took my time, let my Authority sleep lots of nights over it, and in the end, it provided something awesome. During the second day, when my mind was already getting used to not being the center piece of the play, we went through a few meditations to just observe our centers. We were supposed to see how we feel around people whose Sacral center was undefined, compared to how we felt while being in a group of only defined Sacral centers. The first step was to focus on it and recognize it on the inside. That part was not that interesting, as I already knew how joy felt for me, how much power and strength that joy always gave me and how many things I could do with it. But I also felt sad, remembering how many times my joy and enthusiasm got shamed, blamed, how many times I was told they were too much for the ones around me. I remembered how I used to burry my joy, in situations in which displaying a joyous attitude was seen as impolite, incorrect, unwelcomed. I remembered voices, scenes, where I was misjudged for my enthusiasm, where it was considered scary and even aggressive, at times. As a teenager, I felt that inner joy, I had contact with it, and I felt it gave me the strength to move mountains. But then, life and situations happened, jobs that were too rigorous, places where politics and emotional blackmailing was more important than who I was or what energy I could bring in. A lot of conditioning went on, with me growing older and changing jobs, status and even physical appearance. I got to one point where I felt ashamed of my joy and love of life, where I started questioning if everything really is as nice as I see it, or if people that saw life like a doomed struggle, were the ones that were right. Maybe life was hard, maybe there was no place for joy in it, maybe those people were right! Maybe things did seem too easy to me, but in fact they were hard, and I saw them with ease just because I was a dreamer. But being a dreamer, living the life of an artist, doesn’t put food on the table, does it? So, I buried my joy. I buried it so deep that I even forgot I ever had it. And I felt lost without it. Like a lighting house whose light bulb is broken. I felt goalless, purposeless, a walking shell, but a functioning one, that could go to work and complete tasks correctly.

Then, on that second day, after we sat in the room with the undefined Sacral people, our group was told to go outside. Instantly, when the coordinator told us to go outside, all us Sacral beings, jumped up and went through the door! Everyone started laughing, because you could see all the energy bursting in us, the defined ones. It was so easy to see that spark, that energy that was just waiting there to be called out. We got outside, and unlike with the other meditations for the other centers, none of us could stand still. I felt like jumping, running, laughing, enjoying the nice weather and the Sun. I felt like SpongeBob! Everything around me was feeling wonderful, and inside me, the flame came back. I found my joy; I found my life force. I found the fire that I put down a long time ago. It was still there, still burning, but buried under misery, grieve and a lot of conditioning. I started focusing on it, while letting my body move as it felt like. For the first time, I let myself jump, yell, howl, laugh, look in the eyes of the others and not feel ashamed by my reactions, by my joy and my energy. I felt so empowered and powerful! I started jumping up and down, on the spot, to release some of that long locked in energy, because I realized there was no way for me to go back in the classroom for the next meditations, feeling so energetic. I remembered all those stories from when I was a baby and could go on without sleeping through the whole night. Yes, that was the feeling! The feeling that I have everything I need, that I can do and will do everything I feel I need to, the feeling that I need first to creatively do something with all my energy, before even thinking of going to bed. And during that day, I did. I went in the woods and danced, I had a run around the woods and in the evening I went to the nearby village to collect some pizzas. At the end of the day, we made a camp fire, and we sat around it, while eating our pizzas. I felt peace and satisfaction, plus a good kind, a nice kind of being tired. It was a satisfactory exhaustion. That was the moment when my Authority became even clearer to me. I looked into the flames of the fire, and I realized that a painting I had done months ago, while being on my low wave, was actually about all this joy, that felt like fire, being trapped inside by conditioning and my own rejection of it. That is how my Authority feels like: a burning fire, sometimes slower, sometimes harder, but always there, always burning and always fueling. I always had a deep respect for fire and I was always fascinated by it. I even got myself burned on my right hand, while playing with fire as a kid. But I always, always respected it and appreciated it. And so I should do with my inner authority too!

For all the Sacral beings: don’t let your fire be put down! Honor it, respect it, and it will nurture you in ways you can’t imagine.

Also, from another fellow 5/1 MG, this song goes so well with the painting and all that fire that burns inside: I’m a Mess – Ed Sheeran

Enjoy your fire! Enjoy your joy!