In the Line Companion Book, this gate is called the gate of Deliverance – Aloneness, and sits on the Heart Center.
The very name of this gate is what is really demanded of the Ego. The tribe needs the Ego to express its power. Willpower is something that does not operate in a fixed pattern. All of us know that by the way we eat. You can be fairly regular in your eating but you can also have all kinds of variations that run in between. Only when the Ego system builds up its proper readiness is it going to use that willpower. When the willpower is there, its purpose is to provide for those who need. The byproduct of that is that the deliverer may in fact do well themselves, but the thing that drives their Ego is the need of those who call upon it. This is classic in the nature of the 40/37, in the channel of Community, in terms of the marriage contract – this is the channel of the marriage contract in sexuality. The reality is that the 40 is expected to deliver. The 40 and its Ego is expected to go out there in the world and conquer the material plane, and in return it will have its Ego massaged. – Ra Uru Hu
Gate 40 on the 1st line represents my Design Sun, and it is directly connected to the 37th gate on the same 1st line, representing my Design Earth. Easy to say that this channel is the one defining my Solar Plexus and also giving me my emotional authority. But before I go on with the channel or the impact of this channel on my emotional authority, I believe gate 40 deserves it’s own contemplation and discussion.
Being on the design, therefor the subconscious side of my chart, it took me a while to get used to it and to understand it. In the shadows, it gives a feeling of loneliness, of despair, of uselessness of asking for help or companionship, because these won’t ever be provided and it feels in vain to do so. Feeling in vain… another feeling that this gate can generate on the shadow side. I have known these so well, and years ago, I could not understand those who said that we are never alone. How come? I mean I always felt alone, even in the middle of a crowd of people. I always felt off from the crowds, but still craved to be within a crowd. This is also the gate of the Father, the Tribe Leader, the Provider. So, of course it likes to have a “tribe”, because with no tribe, there is no leader. It is a gate that likes to deliver, to provide, to free others and lead them where they haven’t been before. As it sits on the Heart Center, it is related to the will power and the use of will power because of the tribe, for the good of the tribe. And once it delivers whatever the tribe needs, it needs to sit and rest and enjoy the results of its work.
I always liked to take care, provide, help, nurture. I don’t “blame” this only on my 40th gate, but on the entire 40-37 channel. I liked taking care of others, especially people who came to me for advice, and I always felt energized and in the flow whenever I managed to help. Giving to my “tribe”, as in family or friends, always brought good feeling and a sense of “this is the right direction, this is what I should do”. But I also like gratitude, compliments, to see that what I did helped, and improved the other one’s life. Of course this kind of attitude can easily be turned in the favor of someone who tries to exploit my good will, and they can start “promising” either praising, either different sorts of benefits, just as long as I deliver whatever they have asked. Just that, like in the case with the donkey and the carrot, no matter how much I delivered to some people, I never got my reward. And then, my will power went away, because the fuel for this will power is the end reward, especially when it has to do with mundane things.
If I would keep it at a “worldly” level, this is the simplest explanation and translation of Gate 40: I do for you what you asked and I know I am capable to provide, only as long as I receive some benefits in return, as long as I feel this is a fair trade. Fairness is something very volatile in my opinion, as long as we don’t all have the same values or scale for measuring reward, praise and compliments. Because this is not a gate that is interested in money! Actually money is used only for the people outside the “tribe”, and to be honest I am not very fond of making deals with someone outside of my “tribe”. Because as soon as I start talking with someone, and I feel we get along well, they become part of my tribe, and the relationship becomes warmer compared to a conversation with someone I never met before that asks me directly about the prices for the goods and services I provide. It is way easier for me, but also for the other one, to create some sort of friendship-relationship once we start interacting. Of course, not everyone wants to become part of my “tribe” and I also have some boundaries regarding to who gets a pass and who doesn’t, but once someone becomes officially part of my “tribe” they can fully count on me. And I expect the same! Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a fair trade.
This gate, and the channel it forms together with the 37th gate on the Solar Plexus, is a tribal one. It is concerned with the good of the group, of the family, of anyone who we care about. But it is also an exhausting and draining one, once we keep delivering for the group, and instead of being praised and let to rest, we are demanded more, and more, and more. Burnout is very possible for this channel, and the emotional wave can crash below the surface, for a very long time. Depression, no will to do anything, lack of interest in the group and wellbeing of the group, lack of interest in life in general and loneliness are the main not-self feelings that can be triggered by the shadow sides of these gate and channel. We provide for others, and we expect our reward and possibility to rest. But here comes the catch: as long as we provide for others, it should be clear that they can’t provide back to us the same thing! Because otherwise we wouldn’t have had to do it, to provide them with whatever they needed, from the beginning! So, this expectation, to get back exactly what we have given is unrealistic. We give fuel to our “tribe”, and it would be nice if the tribe showed appreciation for it. But the people that make that “tribe”, have their own paths, suffering, expectations, feelings, etc. Maybe what we need as a reward, is not in their system.
So, then, where can we get our reward back from? What I personally found out, is that the best way I can recharge and get back into the world, is to spend time… alone. Yes, that loneliness that a lot of people have been taught that should be avoided, is actually gate 40’s blessing! I was afraid of it too, because I always wanted to get rid of that loneliness feeling that comes from the shadow of this gate. But being alone, and feeling lonely are not the same thing. And instead of being with the wrong group, or working my heart out to make them see me, thank me, give me attention, I would rather be alone and preserve my energy. And actually I am never alone! Because when I spend time alone, my favorite activities are meditating, daydreaming and just sitting and watching the nature. This means I am either connected to the Source, or to Mother Earth, or simply to myself, my needs and dreams. I love just laying on the sand, on the ground, floating on water, and just watching the sky. Those are the moments when I feel connected to everything, when I get in the flow and suddenly everything becomes possible. Those are the moments when I recharge my batteries, so that when I sprint again, I know for sure I can make it until the end.
There is nothing wrong in being alone, there is nothing wrong in being still and just laying in bed, as long as that is what the body/mind/soul need. There is no use into pushing myself, to do, go, achieve, move, when my body needs its rest. And I see the need that my body has to withdraw from the world, to be alone and recharge, to get its fuel directly from the Source and Nature. In fact, if I stayed too much in the world, among people, I would get too caught up in the worldly matters, I would lose contact with the Universe and myself, and I would get drained. Gate 40 takes its energy directly from the Source! It is directly connected to the Divine Will, and needs to learn to not push things to happen, not to rush, but to give in the control, get in the flow and understand the idea of “Thy will shall be done!”.
During the last year, I set myself a goal that I would not struggle. I wanted to see the light side of my 28-38 Struggle channel, and besides this, the surprise was that I also understood my 40th gate. When I stopped struggling, especially about solving or controlling a situation, it felt like Life took over and provided the best outcome possible. Avoiding storms, accidents on the highway, getting money out of the blue when I needed it the most, and so many other wonderful things happened that I never thought to be possible. My mind was panicked in the beginning, because it is hard for it to understand the force that the Universe is, and it is hard for it to not know what the next step is. But as long as I have faith, my steps are guided, and as long as I put myself in the service of the Universe, let it lead the way and I just follow, nothing can go wrong.
Together with gate 37, this channel likes to be of services for the tribe, make sure everyone feels good and enjoys themselves. The only thing it asks in return is appreciation. It has an easy upwards direction, and then it can suddenly crash and start going up again. But it can also be influenced by the people around us: a happy, optimistic “tribe” will be like a medicine for the low wave, while a pessimistic and critical “tribe” will make even the highest wave plummet into depression and unworthiness.
In case you have this gate defined, I would like you to keep in mind these main 3 things:
loneliness and alone time is a much needed blessing
your “tribe” can influence your mood, so remember you can always chose a different “tribe”
the best reward comes from being connected to the Source and being in the flow of life
The last post introduced the idea that the opposite of criticism is empowering the other one. But before mentioning some guidelines on how we can do that, I think it’s necessary to clarify what power and empowering the other ones means.
I will take this from a Human Design perspective, although this idea may be combined with any other techniques that are familiar to you, philosophical/ethical or even logical approaches. One of the first things I studied and understood about my chart was my Gate 34, as my Personality Sun, on line 5. Reading the explanation about it didn’t bring good feelings, I must admit. It is called The Gate of Annihilation, in the I-Ching Rave Line Companion book. This is said to be a gate of power, and especially for the 5th line, it brings to its owner the projection from the other ones that they have personal power, huge amounts of energy. People project on the carrier of this gate that they have all the necessary power for a specific task and also the power of total annihilation of resistance. And, from my point of view, up to some degree, it is true! First of all, I believe impossible doesn’t exist, and if I want to do something, there is a way, and I will get it done, no matter what. I was aware of this approach I had on life, I felt like this since I became aware of myself, as a child, I could never take a No for an answer. And I also didn’t like people who used to threaten me by saying “You’ll see how hard it gets”, “You’ll see that it is not as easy as you believe”, “Nobody has done this before, who do you think you are going to do it”, or my favorite “It is so hard and requires so much energy to do it, why do you even want to do it”?
Feeling that inner power, that inner potential to achieve anything and everything, had been my companion since I was a child. But it also made me move forward, break through and take on chances, when my mind was yelling desperately to not do it, because it didn’t know how to handle it. I was feeling that drive and fuel, the flames coming from my sacral center and the joy of taking on life. And I felt it until I… got my first job! That is when the fuel got dimmed down, norms and procedures and internal rules (that nobody really respected in that company) broke the drive and started getting me depleted. But at the same time, people started projecting on me their expectations: how I should walk, talk, sell, convince others of our services and so on. Nothing felt right for me anymore, and my inner power was gone, sitting now in the illusional hands of other people. The thing with this personal power is that people see it, feel drawn to it, and would like to take it and use it for themselves. Just like when your car tank is empty, but then you think you see an abandoned car on the side of the street, with a full tank, and you instantly have a thought that you could take that fuel for yourself. And this unequal exchange of energy happens, there are people that drain others, because they have lost their personal power, and there are people who allow themselves to be drained. But the power is personal, not selfish, but personal. Unless I feel like giving my power to something or someone, unless my power gets enhanced by my actions, I won’t do it. And I shouldn’t do it, because it would just leave me drained, and then I have to get back together, back to myself.
And this “back to myself”, this is what personal power means. It means discovering all the fuel, the drive, the inner compass, and the personal typical level of energy that someone has, alone, regardless of what or who is around them. Back to yourself means going back to the origin point in which you exist and express yourself, and how you feel on the inside, even if there is nobody around, when there is nothing to do or fix, nobody to interact with, nothing to distract you from your inner world. It is the foundation of who you are, and in today’s world, it means rediscovering it. This is what finding your personal power means: getting back to who you are when nothing else is. And once you get there, you find home within yourself, peace, stability, awareness. That is the start of your life, the main core, your life force. And from there onwards, you can start building up whatever you need, on top of that. This core power is also a good place to come back to after a busy day, or a turbulent period. It is the safety that you find in yourself, the only thing that you can count on while navigating through this life.
For me to find my personal power, and to finally understand what feeling empowered means, and the meaning of my gate 34, I had to crumble to pieces all my reality (I moved to another country), and to spend a lot of time with myself and just a few other people (lockdown happened). I already had an idea of how it works, how it feels like, but I wasn’t consistent in my feelings, and I didn’t always remember to get back to my core when my mind started wondering off. In general, it takes some shaking for the mind, to allow clear passage to your core power. Because this power can seem too much to handle, and if left out in the open without awareness, it can act like a loose cannon. Probably that is why a lot of people are afraid of their own power and avoid seeing their own greatness; because that power may seem hard to control (about controlling this power, I will come back in another post). But this power is the only one bringing joy, ease and flow to life. It is for personal use, not for others, and from a Human Design perspective it can reside in any gate you have as your Personality Sun.
Feeling empowered means acknowledging your own inner power. And when I say “power”, I don’t mean “force”(that belongs to the mind) and I don’t mean “strength” either (strength means endurance, resistance, which is not the case anymore when you feel in your power). When I say “power” it is that feeling of joy and wonder in front of life, that drive to take on with an open heart whatever comes your way, knowing that no matter what happens, you can make it through, you will get wherever you wish, you can make it happen. And above all, effortlessly!
Did you ever imagine that you could do anything, and feel fueled by it at the same time? Like you would have energy to carry on with whichever task you wish (not have to!), and at the same time you wouldn’t feel drained or tired for a second?
Let me know your thoughts about it, and I will come back with what I usually do to get myself empowered, and also inspire this in the other.
Aaah, criticism! Sweet, old, bitter criticism! The one we all grew up with, and the one that was never left out. The criticism that we thought was the only trigger to make us move mountains…and ourselves. We grew up with the idea that criticism improves, it is needed and it is the only thing making us go forward.
When I say “criticism” I talk about labeling, judging, comparing, blaming, shaming, guilting someone with the “high purpose” of improving them, or getting them to feel a need to improve themselves.
First of all, let’s take it logically. When everything around is chaos, or emotional blackmail, logic is the last resort. So, going on with logic, when I say someone should improve something, like their attitude, skills or actions, I am judging their current level based on my own views. If I criticize them now, is because according to my standards, they are not good enough. I judge, label and condemn at the same time; because my standards are mine, they are not universal, my views are also personal, and nobody should just adjust and submit to them by default. And of course, it also goes the other way around, meaning that when someone criticizes me, they do it based on their view, information, standards and expectations, which has nothing to do with me, in the end. This way, the first step when criticizing someone would be to evaluate them, according to MY perspective, and then draw the conclusion that I have no use of them like this, so they should change. Here we get to the second step: they are of no use to me like this! But why should someone be of use to me? Why just that specific someone? And why in a specific way? And most of all, who am I so that I expect them to serve me and be useful to my needs? As for the third step, this where the real action kicks in: I tell them, in any possible way, making use of any argument, emotional blackmail, bringing up tradition, culture, rules, laws, etc., maybe even throwing in there a bit of threatening, anything it takes, to make them change. And this is the third problem-step: I want to force someone to change. Force brings only counterreaction, which then evolves into a power struggle, and even if in the end I win, it will leave both of us, so me included, depleted.
One thing that I learned through my 28-38 channel (The Struggle Channel) is that if a battle that doesn’t fulfill you, regardless of the outcome, is not a battle worth fighting for. What use do I have of winning something, with the price of my own energy, that I can’t enjoy afterwards, because I am too drained, exhausted, depleted to enjoy it at all? And this is just a parenthesis about getting into power fights with another mind: they will always leave you drained, they will always cost you a lot of energy, so in my opinion, these battles are not worth fighting.
Coming back to criticism, I started studying it long time ago, when something didn’t feel right. Somehow, criticism never landed well with me. Maybe this comes from my 40th gate, my Design Sun, or from the 26th gate, my Design and Personality Uranus, or maybe I just don’t find it useful to be told what I am doing wrong. Being told what I could do better feels way more useful and saves more time!
How can any of the blaming/shaming/comparing methods give fuel to someone to take on a new task, or to improve something about themselves? I never felt motivated by these techniques, so I always avoided applying them on others. As a 5/1 profile myself, if a method that I tried doesn’t work, I just go looking for another one, there is no time to waste on feeling sorry that it didn’t work. So, why do people expect that with a negative input you could ever get back a positive outcome? In what world does this logic work? I am not connecting any of this methods to fear, I am going only by logic. Because, of course, if you add in fear… things change. But fear, especially the fear of other people, is a subject for some other time, so in here I will keep it only at criticism level.
Each time I told someone that was criticizing me that it’s not going to work, I won’t do it better if they continue telling me what I am doing wrong, I could see how their face froze in shock and they got lost. How come I didn’t react “well” in that scenario? Why? And, the most common question was “Then how can I make you do it?” And here we get to the main point, here is where the whole critical interaction between two people sits, in “How can I make you do this?”
Nobody can make anybody else do something. Nobody can make someone else change, decide, take action, learn, etc. We can’t force other people into something, we can’t make them do what we want them to do. This is not how life works. Of course we can force them, threaten them, use lots of tools, for our own fear that if they don’t do what we want, we will lose something, but as I said before, this is another story.
So, then, what can we do? What can we do if we really need the cooperation of someone else, and we can’t obligate them to do it? What would be the solution?
Encouraging someone could work, although encouraging someone is not the opposite of criticism. It is 100 times better, but it’s still not the Solution. Encouraging works mainly where people already have self awareness, some self esteem, and some courage. It works where people were already thinking about the same idea that you presented, and by being encouraged it can help them to finally make a decision or take the first step.
But what do you do with someone frozen in front of a situation? I tested it already, both on myself and other people, that encouraging a frozen person doesn’t help. The conclusion that I got to was that Empowering the other one is what works. And then, also from a Human Design perspective, I read a lot and tried a lot with this “empowerment” idea. How to do it? What is it? And, most importantly, how does it work?
I already found my way of empowering others, I noticed I do it intuitively, and for all those years that I have been trying to understand what it means, I had been doing it already!
I will come back in another post with what Empowering the other means to me, and how I noticed it happens, but until then, I would like to know if you are familiar with it, what it means to you, if you have ever felt empowered by someone else and how that fueled you.
It was during my University years when I found out there was a scientific explanation to what I intuitively felt until then: different frequencies and vibrations affect everything.
I had already known back then about the String Theory, Quantum Physics and other technical subjects that seemed more like Philosophy than like “real science”. But finding out, during an official class, given by a state institution, that even buildings vibrate and every material object has it’s own vibration frequency, was mind-blowing! I mean, there it was, a Uni Professor, teaching in one of the most conservative environments, the fact that everything made out of matter has a vibration frequency! And you can calculate it! And you can find it out, and test it, and experiment with it! Just mind blowing! The feeling that I always had, that sound and vibrations around us influence us, was finally officially and scientifically proven! From there onwards, I had data to backup my theory, and I could prove and show how sounds influence us.
I remember going home and looking for all the online videos I could find at that time (around 15 years ago), about resonance and how it affects objects. If you want to see a nice video, how vibrations can collapse a concrete and steel structure, click HERE. Sounds produce vibrations, by pushing the tiny matter particles in the air around us, and smashing them into other objects or even into one another. I have seen documentaries and studies done on the impact of sounds on body organs and full organisms. Inappropriate sounds can physically harm the soft tissue, like the brain, and even cause death. I was once in a club, and I passed through between two big subwoofers, playing extra loud, and I felt like my brain froze, my ears started hurting, and I suddenly became nauseous. I realized that the loud sounds and beats coming from those huge speakers, were affecting my body and felt the need to get out of there as soon as possible. Strong sounds, causing powerful vibration, are no joke, no mystical event, they are as logical and scientific as Physics can be.
And still… we ignore them. We ignore the impact that our sounds have, on the people around us. Let’s not even mention of the impact that sounds have on water, and on everything that contains water! And yet, we dismiss it, and we ask people to not listen to “how” we say something, but to “what we say”. All the words that we issue, all the things that we say, impact everything around us. The idea is not to stop speaking, because that causes other issues, but to be aware of how we say what we say; to be aware of the energy behind the idea that we release in our environment, and about our intentions with our words. Do we want our words to nurture, grow, help, or do we want them to hurt, collapse and destroy?
As a Manifesting Generator myself, with the channel 34-20 defined on my personality side, what I say always comes from deep within, and I used to have lots of situations in which words would come out before I even knew I wanted to say something. I told myself many jokes like this, jokes that I hadn’t known before, but I also shocked myself and others with what came out of my mouth. Learning about my strategy and authority, and also learning what patience is and how I should use it, helped with having a better awareness on the message I wanted to transmit. I went from being a loose cannon, shooting in blind, to being able to modulate and play with tonalities, so that my message got better perceived. I learned that speaking from a state of distress and frustration will make my situation more miserable, and with more damage that needs repair, than if I said something from a calm mood. I learned that even if I tried to appear calm, even if I tried co “chill” and “go Zen”, until my core energy was not OK, my messages wouldn’t be received OK either. It was more a thing of how I said things, rather than what I said. But, of course, it also depends on the receiver. If the receiver has a distorted frequency, if their mood is already like murky waters, the chances for a good message to hit the right spot decrease a lot. If you throw a diamond in a swamp, the diamond will get lost and will not make much of a difference to the swamp. The thing that the diamond still stays there, and in time, when the swamp dries out, it can resurface, is another story. But in general, what I have noticed is that not only the vibration caused by the energy of the message is important, but also the frequency of the receiver. Just like with the movie above, and just like with buildings, sometimes the intensity of a disturbing vibration doesn’t matter, if the object receiving it is sturdy enough. And there, I had to work again with my 34-20 channel, because as much as it is there to empower others, I should also empower myself, so that my foundation is stable enough to put up with any disturbances coming from the outside.
The words we speak represent so much more than just words. They represent the very core of ourselves, even if we try to hide things, even when we say a lie, and even when we prepare a speech very well, thinking that this is the way to say something “good”. In my opinion, as long as a message doesn’t shatter anyone’s structure and doesn’t cause harmful impact on the other one, is a good message. The first thing that we should think about, would be the reason why we say those words: do we want to grow and nurture, or do we want to shatter and break into pieces the other one? Do we want to release the frustration and all that angry energy accumulated inside our bodies, or do we want to send our energy to the aid of the other one? There are ways of releasing accumulated energy, like yelling in a forest, on a river bank, on the beach, or even asking a friend to vent together. There is nothing wrong with releasing accumulated energy built up inside, and actually it is required to do so. If we don’t release it, the accumulated energy shatters and destroys things on the inside, in our minds and bodies. But finding out how to release this energy, how to play with it, and in the end freestyle your way with words, requires… practice 🙂
Next time when you open a conversation with someone, set up first your intention, look for that Why? behind your reasons. Then, try to tune into the mood of the other one, try to feel how they feel, and see what kind of tone you could better use. And last, remain true to the message, don’t hold back, but say it in such a way that you would be OK if those words would be told to you, if that vibration would somehow be reflected to you.
P.S. Have you ever noticed, or had someone in your live, whose voice feels like it touches and hugs your core and your soul? Did you ever find yourself relaxing and feeling less pain, by only hearing someone’s voice? Did you notice the different tones and tonalities that your own voice has when you are in different moods? Or maybe around different people?
Don’t forget that even if you can’t see something, it doesn’t mean that you can’t hear it. And in the end, words can hurt, can damage and can definitely destroy, for they are pure vibration.
“If you don’t come right now with me, I will leave you here, alone!” – said a parent to their child, when the child didn’t want to leave the playground for a few more minutes
“I am teaching you a lesson right now, by punishing you, so that when you are older you end up in a better place!” – said a teacher, to a student, when failing them at an exam, although the real score would have been a passing one
“I criticize you and push you harder, because I know you can do and achieve more!”– said the singing coach to the student, while rejecting them from performing with the choir, on a school show
“I yell at you and ask more from you, because I want to toughen you up!”– said a person to another person
And all this, in the name of love and good intentions.
I believe the majority of us heard these phrases, or similar ones, while growing up, going to school, learning a new skill, and even while being in a romantic relationship. We learned that the ones who want what is best for us, also treat us in a way that is not so pleasant. sometimes. They can even treat us badly, according to any standard, just because “they love us and try to makes us better, help us improve ourselves”.
During the years when I used to go to church on a regular basis, I also heard this stated out loud in the house of The Lord, our Creator: He made us and gave us this amazing gift of life, but He is also severe and punishes us if we make mistakes. When I was a child, the only thing that these statements made me feel was that whatever I do, at some point I will mess up, because it’s impossible to be perfect all the time, and I will get my behind kicked. There was no other way! As an adult, the same statements turned into the fear of trying out different things, for not failing, and getting punished. But the feeling that came along with them, was always a funny one, like something was wrong, fundamentally wrong! Why were the people or gods that loved us, entitled to bring us suffering?
Beginning with religion, I couldn’t get over the following, constant question in my head: how come that a God that loves you, punishes you? Why can’t He just explain and let you try again? Why can’t He just forgive and let you be? Why did He ever give you such a “present”, as He claims life is, if you are not allowed to enjoy it? Why should you always be afraid of your next step, next decision, and God in general? Why should you be afraid of someone you love? What does love have to do with fear?
Across the years, since around 9 years ago, I started a quest to find out what was with all these statements and believes, that so many people repeated over and over again, and the discrepancy with the inner feeling that they gave me. I never believed in criticism, it never helped me, it never motivated me, so why was I expected to improve based on it? And why were the people that stated that cared about me, criticizing me, when obviously criticism didn’t help? Why were the “rough and tough” lessons so much respected and put on a pedestal? Why was everyone OK, at least on a surface level, with the fact that you learn best through hardships?
Since I became a parent myself, the feeling that love and criticism/fear/tough lessons can’t go hand in hand became even stronger. Something was very flawed with this, because as long as you love someone, you want to make them feel OK, safe, protected, supported, nurtured and looked after. So how could someone feel like that, feel all that support and care, while being criticized and punished? And what does that say about the relationship between I love you and I am punishing you? Because the reason for the punishment, which is in the most scenarios of the mind, a noble one For your own good, because I want the best for you is rarely heard by the one taking the blame. That reason doesn’t matter at all, in most of the cases. Of course, there are exceptions, like when you have to remove a screw or a splinter from another person’s hand: yes, in that case you might hurt them more before they get better, but that is another story, and has to do with our material world, not with the soul.
But coming back to the idea that we punish others because we want what is best for them, the only thing that this creates is low feelings in the one that takes the blame. It connects love and care with negative behaviors. It creates the expectation that the one we love will eventually punish us for something, thus creating a weird connection between love and suffering. And even worse, the suffering is created by the person that we love, precisely because they love us and we love them! And they want what is best for us! So, they hurt us! In this way, we get to the “match made in Heaven” of love and suffering. This match logically explains how Love can’t exist without Suffering, how they go hand in hand and how you can’t have one without the other. But it can also make us afraid of love and experiencing it, because as long as it brings suffering in the end, who would still like to have it? We start avoiding love and even being afraid of it, because we connect it with the suffering that it eventually brings. We end up feeling out of love, craving for it, but at the same time being afraid to experience it, so, we end up empty and miserable. Our minds managed to corrupt what Love really means, and connect it to misery, therefor safely guarding their position of power and control: the hypocrite authority.
It is a very weird and abnormal connection, and also an awful misinterpretation of what love is. Love doesn’t punish, nor it blames. Love has patience, gives safety, helps when and where it can, but doesn’t destroy when things don’t go its way. It is not love that invented this love-punishment behavior, but it is the Ego. It is the mind trying to control it’s environment, hiding this need for control under noble purposes and statements. It is the mind that wants to show it can set up someone else’s direction, as it “knows best”. Because the mind always tries to take the lead, while understanding what is going on around it. And it is a good idea to take control of the ones around us, just in case, so that we know for sure what and how it will happen, with them and with us. It is the fear of the mind of the unknown that made these connections, between Love, which just is, and control. Love doesn’t want control, and it roots for freedom. Love knows that everything will unfold in the best way in the end, because it walks hand in hand with Faith and Surrender. The mind doesn’t know what Faith or Surrender are, and is not even interested in them, because you can’t put tasks and metrics on them, you can’t measure and you can’t assure them. There is nothing YOU CAN DO with Love, Faith and Surrender, there is no action to be taken with them, so the mind is not interested in their nonsense. But it uses their names, especially Love’s name, to make up reasons and excuses for its decisions.
Love is safe! Love is kind and patient. It knows that a lesson is best learned in its own time, at its own speed and rhythm. Love allows us to try and make mistakes, it gives us free will and all it wants from us is Happiness. Love encourages and compliments, it points out the good in the other one and forgives whatever mistakes they made. Love is warm and doesn’t threaten to leave you alone, but sits there in silence, by your side, until you are ready to move on once again. Love doesn’t hurt, and it heals the suffering. Love won’t ever bring suffering, and will never trigger shame or guilt in the other one. Love doesn’t take revenge, nor does it want to “teach the other one a lesson!”.
Love is safe! Love is the opposite of fear, because we can’t fear that which we love. And also, we can’t love that which we fear. So, as long as we would like someone to love us, the last thing that we should try to enable in them, is fear.
There are days when it rains, and fog covers everything. There are days when everything is grey, and you start wondering if there is still a Sun in the sky. Days in which you ask yourself how and when will it all pass, if there is anything else beside this greyed out – faded out existence. There are days in which you feel everything is lost, and even if you look for your soul, it seems it shall never be found again. You walk, taking one more step, one more breath, you look around again hoping that it will all go away, shattered by the warm Sun rays. But the more you look around, the more fog you see, the more you feel lost and vulnerable to despair. There is nobody around, and the silence makes you hear your heartbeat in your ears, the blood flowing through your veins, the thoughts pounding in your head. It is easy for confusion to take over and throw you into a battle with everything, including yourself, so you can escape that which is… only in your mind.
Because the fog we see, the coldness we feel, the hope we think is dead, these things exist just in our mind. In the middle of the greyness, take a moment and stop. Sit down on the ground, and just be there. Don’t take any action, don’t analyze your senses, don’t question your thoughts. Don’t label, don’t judge, don’t try to figure out what’s next. Just be.
You can close your eyes if you wish, but above all, surrender. Surrender to the present moment, and dive inside yourself, dive inside your soul’s kingdom. The reason why you feel lost and without escape is that you lost your kingdom, and your Queen is not at home. The kingdom you carry within you is all you really have, and yet it is infinite and more than anyone could wish for. There are people, places, memories, decisions, and consequences in it, and they all belong to you. You rule them all, with every choice, with every word and thought you express in the world. And your kingdom needs its Queen.
Most of us carry within ourselves banished Queens. They have been deemed as outcasts by those who could not or would not see and respect them for what they are. Those are the Queens without a throne because others usurped their roles and took their seats. They are the Queens wondering in the wild, befriending the wild beasts and living in isolation, because the people didn’t want to respect their rulership, and turned against them. They are the Queens that have forgotten what it feels like to have a tribe and companionship, to trust and to lean on real support, and they went feral. They sometimes come out of the woods, but they have been there for far too long, and have forgotten how it feels and how it is, to rule their kingdom with honor. But still, they can remember!
I found my Queen, dressed in an ivory dress, in the middle of a sunny forest, on an amazing Spring Day. It took a song, a friendship, a moment of peace, quiet and trust for my Queen to come back home. She was reminded that her role is to create a space of safety and comfort for all those who accept her in their lives, and she is needed. All I had to do was to stop my thoughts for a moment, look around and feel the peace. The music of the song went along with the sounds of the birds, and the cracks of wood sticks under my feet. I felt the rhythm of the nature, emerging on that Spring Day, and embraced by support, trust, and friendship, I asked my Queen to come back home. It gently came from within, in the beginning with some shyness and doubts. But I stayed there, welcoming her, and reminding her that she is safe, we are safe. As long as we are together, and my Queen rules my kingdom, we are all safe. All Queens are good, kind, gentle and wise, for as long as they are accepted and seen for whom they truly are. The Queens will always protect their kingdoms, which are the very depths of our souls.
From now on, I shall let my Queen rule, because she knows what grace and honor are. She makes decisions from the heart, caring for the soul and life. I put my Queen on her throne and let her take the lead. Her rulership is kind and gentle, and she shall take care of everyone who wishes to sit beside her, and of herself. She asks for respect and support, and in return she will create a safe space for all the souls that wish to rest in her companionship. I know that with her ruling my kingdom, I am safe and stable.
We need to find our Queens and give them back their righteous place: on the thrones of our decisions, choices, and lives. We need to get us back to ourselves and remember all the power that lies in us when we re center, when we get back to ourselves. We get back to ourselves by taking back the lead in our lives, through surrendering to the power of Life, and assuming our roles in the reality that we created.
I was leaning with my back against a tree, surrounded by complete darkness, in the middle of a forest. I went there for a walk and to clear my mind, which was spinning thoughts at an unbearable speed. I got next to a tree and felt the need to sit down, but there was mud on the forest floor, and the next best thing I thought of was to just lean against a tree. As my back touched the tree, with my hands in my pockets, I sighed. That was the best support I felt I was offered in years. And it came from a tree. I closed my eyes and just took deep breaths of forest scent, sitting in silence and darkness. I felt I had no energy left, all my thoughts, wishes, plans, arrangements, and backup strategies drained my energy. My mind was too much all over the place and tried to fix and control too many things at the same time.
I felt like an exhausted Manifesting Generator. Theoretically I was supposed to be full of energy, do, act, impact, universalize, bring change, and move the Planet. And yet, there I was, with my back against a tree, finally silencing my spinning mind. And I felt peace. As I was focusing on my breath and the silence around me, from behind the clouds, an almost full Moon showed up, illuminating the forest around me, allowing me to see the trees’ crowns uniting up in the sky. I felt protected and safe. The feeling I had was in total opposition with all my mental worries and agitation. There, I could just be, enjoy the moment and lay down any struggle.
That was the moment when instead of thinking about How’s and What’s, thoughts of What if? started crossing my mind.
What if I just paused with all my plans, with all my wishes, with all my race for better, brighter, further, more?
What if everything I had done until now would be lost? What if it was in vain? What if I never find what I am looking for? What if I never “get” what I “want”? What if none of my wishes will come true? What if I never feel what I would like to feel, experience what I would like to experience, get to wherever I am headed to?
What if I just give up? Give up on my approach on things, on my struggles and my worries? What if I detach from all the thoughts I have going on, and just let myself be? What if I give up control and just surrender?
Who would I be if none of my thoughts were to become reality? How would I feel and act, what would I do next, again…who would I be?
I let myself stay with these thoughts, and all the feelings caused by them. Feelings of grieve, loss and sadness. In the end, whatever attachment we let go, comes with a period of feeling loss and grieve. And that is what I was doing, detaching from my thoughts and mind, from all my expectations and desires. I was mourning all the plans and preparations that got lost on the way, and made peace in my heart that they may never come again. I may never get to what I “thought” I wanted, and I was at peace with that.
With my back against a tree, and the Moon gently lighting up my surroundings, I came to realize: this is what being in the experiment of life means! This is what surrender feels like, this is the trigger of faith and what keeps humanity moving. This was the feeling that would overcome uncertainty and confusion: just being! Being in the body, enjoying the moment, with no plans, no predictability, no “must do’s”. Just being! This was the moment that a lot of Human Design teachers mentioned: giving into the body, feeling the moment, taking the mind from behind the wheel. And it felt so good, so freeing! It was like I could take a break, and just let life lead me. I didn’t know anything extra, but life made sense, and there was a feeling of certainty. I caught my mind trying to analyze the source of this new feeling, and I gently shushed it. It could rest, we were OK, we were safe, we were supported and there was no need for it to try to take over control in the attempt to keep us safe. I was OK, nature and life had my back on this!
Besides the moment I first tuned into my Authority, I felt this moment being yet another highlight of my Human Design journey. It finally gave me the perspective on what surrendering to my life and my experiment meant. I had now the feeling for it, and the knowledge came along with that feeling. Now, I knew how it felt to be attuned to myself, how to be centered. And all those things that were catching my attention and draining my energy, got loose.
Who would I be if nothing that I thought of would “go according to the plan”? I would still be, I would still live.
The moonlight and the forest scenario took me back to the Maanhoeve, in the Netherlands! It is an amazing place, full of calm and peace. When I visited it, I felt my mind got quiet on its own, silenced by the nurturing and resting atmosphere. If you’d like to see how it feels like to just let go and take a deep dive into your being and your Human Design experiment, you are more than welcome to join us for a 4 days event. The purpose is to let the mind have some rest and put behind the wheel the feeling that comes with following our Authority: peace, satisfaction, success, and surprise. There is nothing more pleasant than being surprised by what surrendering brings along the way. There is no better feeling than flowing within the stream of life.
Have a look on the link below and let me know if you would like to join.
Struggle. Life is hard, life is tough, you have to fight in life. Life is meaningless, purposeless, but actually you have to fight your entire life to see if it had any meaning.
This… this was what I believed for more than 30 years. And everything inside me was screaming that this is not right, it is not correct, it is not like this! But who was to listen to it? Not my mind, for sure!
I was looking around me, and all I could see was a world of struggle. A world of fight, battles, losses and suffering. That was my reality. It was difficult, and everyone said it was, so it must have been true. If several people tell you that life is in a particular way, and they also demonstrate you that it is like that, what else could your mind know? If you are a fish, and have always been swimming in a stream, how could you possibly imagine that there are birds that fly and animals that live their entire lives on the land? How could you possibly believe there is anything else but your reality, if you have never seen or experienced a different reality?
And my reality was one of struggle, fighting for what I wanted, going out there, pushing my limits, facing my fears and conquer it all. Or at least, that was what my mind knew to do best. It was also correct according to all those motivational speakers, from the ‘90s and 2000s. All I could hear back then was that you need to use your force and make it happen if you want to achieve something. And I did, and I actually became good at it.
As soon as I had the first look at my chart, seeing the 28-38 channel there (Channel of Struggle), everything became clear and made sense. My first thought was that Struggle was part of my design, life path, life journey, ME overall. I felt doomed, and I didn’t like having that channel there. I felt like there was no way to avoid it, no way to avoid all the battles and the struggle, so I tried to befriend it. My only hope was that whatever I had in my chart, had different possibilities to be used, and as a life of battles and struggles was not necessarily my dream, I started investigating to see what the light of this channel was.
Gate 28 is also called the Daredevil or the Game Player. It is afraid that life is meaningless, and it is always in search of a purpose, something to dedicate its attention to. It faces darkness with courage and is not afraid to dive deep into the deepest darkness. This is not a gate for the faint of heart, nor for the ones that want to avoid their shadows. This gate loves shadows and darkness, because in there it can find the root cause of a situation and eliminate it. It shakes hands with Gate 38, the Warrior, forming the Struggle Channel, and together they venture to the darkness, to look for the shadows and integrate them. Gate 28 understand fear and enjoys overcoming obstacles. Or at least this is what it does on the good side, because on the shadow side, this gate can get very afraid of death or purposeless death to be more precise, and can either refuse to take on any risks, or it starts taking crazy and illogical risks just to feel something.
Gate 38, the one that was in transit last days, is the gate of the Warrior or of the Purposeful Fighter. I have seen this gate in action during these days, and it seems that people are just engaged in fights and struggles, situations and environment keep shifting, the battle seems chaotic, and the general mood is an aggressive and confused one. But the good side of this gate is perseverance, and not giving up in the middle of the “battle”, but keeping on with it, until the end, whether is successful or not. If Gate 38 meets Gate 28, this channel has also the power to hold on and not give up until there is a clear outcome of all the energy invested in the process. The struggle is the shadow part of Gate 38, not it’s light! The struggle comes from the mind that doesn’t want to let go of control and fights the natural course of life.
We all have a mind that has been conditioned, and that sometimes takes on the controls, whether we realize it or not. But the mind doesn’t have consequences, and the mind doesn’t know much, to be more precise. The mind can only take decisions based on what it knows, and what it knows is limited. A mind cand never know when another person will appear in our life, or what natural event that will shake our existence will happen tomorrow. The mind is fixed, it knows what it knows, and can’t go beyond its limits, unless it learns something new. And, most of the times, it doesn’t like to learn something new! Because that would mean that until now, the mind was not that knowledgeable, not “all-knowing and mighty”, it wasn’t perfect! The mind can’t take that, it has a huge “Ego”, and it will always try to take and keep control of our lives. So if our feeling tell us to go to the right, but the mind’s logical conclusion is to go left… there is where the struggle begins.
The only struggle that I could find in reality, was the one with my mind and my thoughts. The only struggle that there is, is with myself, because everything else around me just flows naturally. I can choose to flow with it, and surrender, by following my Strategy and Authority, or I can fight it, oppose it, and hope for a small win. But why fight? Why struggle? When I could choose to honor life, honor everything that life brings as an experience, along my way and fight for myself together with Life, and not against it.
And I am not talking about the holidays season. Although I always felt like the holidays began with my birthday, every year.
Every year, November has a special feeling and meaning for me. I always felt it, even before I ever read about Astrology and way before I got in touch with Human Design. As Autumn came closer, every year, I felt like the air around me was shifting, new Universes were opening and life in general took on a spinning twist. I heard people say that Autumn is depressing, that Winter is the most awful season, but something inside my soul always felt at home during these seasons. I was never depressed by the darkness and shortness of the days, I never had anything against low temperatures, and I absolutely love snow. I always felt like life actually begins during Autumn, during the death of the old, the new already starts to prepare. I see Spring season just like the second stage of life, because it actually took its first step during the darkness of the Winter, underground, germinating.
This year, before this week started, I had a flu and my body was not in its best shape. A low wave was also showing up, so the weather outside, a rainy and grey one, just confirmed my need for hibernation. My body’s 1st line demanded some rest, and, as usual, I didn’t get into an argument with that. I spent a few days in a row inside the house, doing small chores, nothing too demanding, and going along with the season. I believe, as a side note, that us humans, we forgot about the natural cycles of the year! It is not normal to expect our bodies to act and react during winter like they do during summer. But still, here we are, pushing ourselves to grow, expand, initiate, take on “new opportunities”, while other species know better that now it is a time to rest.
Getting past my side note, whether it is spring, summer, autumn or winter, the body asks for whatever it needs in that moment, regardless of what says in the calendar. And I was very much into that mood, of just hibernating, when I felt an instant flow of energy. It happened today, November 22nd, around 1:00PM. Instantly, my flu was gone, my mood was different, my words were clearer and my thoughts sharper. I couldn’t check it on the spot, but in the end, I had to have a look at the transits. And guess what? The Charisma channel, connecting gates 34 and 20, was activated by the transits of the planets. And not by any planets, but by the Sun and Earth. This is a channel that I have in my Human Design graph, and that makes me a Manifesting Generator. Also, my Personality Sun is in gate 34 and my Personality Earth in gate 20. I feel like the time of Manifesting Generators has come this year :), as all the children born until late night on November 27th will have this channel in their graphs, so they will be what Human Design calls Pure Manifesting Generators.
The energy of these days is intense, as it switches from Scorpio to Sagittarius, but not the entire month of Sagittarius will feel like this. This combination of Sun and Earth in these 2 gates lasts only in the first week, only for approximately 6 days. As soon as we entered this period, I started feeling very dynamic, determined, detached but also, present with a lot of energy. It’s like after a period of investigating and working in the “background”, now things can be put in motion, life can shift and get a new direction. This energy also feels joyful, and it can’t be sad when the Sacral center is clearly defined through this channel, and this center is fueled by joy. I felt so joyful, playful, cheerful, like everything around me was just adding to this good mood. Even the raindrops! Even the wind, and even the cloudy sky.
This transit happens every year, between November 22nd-23rd and 27th -28th. With the Sun being in gate 34, the gate of the Power of the Great, and the Earth in gate 20, the gate of the Now. In the end, what this Charisma Channel brings is personal power in the present moment. With the 34th gate sitting in the Sacral center, we might feel very energized, powerful and ready to take on the world, when it is approached correctly. In the not self mode, we either feel powerless or we confuse power with force, and we try to force our own ways and views on our surrounding environment and people. Gate 20, being the grounding gate in this period, is about speaking our truth in the now, whatever is helpful to make something work or evolve. Gate 20 is found in the Throat center, and by connecting to the 34th, it forms a Manifesting channel. This channel can help people a lot to open subjects that they have avoided until now, and finally get things done in that area. But it is mainly through informing the others about our next steps and decisions, how we can benefit the most from this channel, and not by pushing our ideas or ways onto the others. It is a channel or Charisma, and I might say also of “lucky and fortunate” happenings, and once it is used properly, it can help someone skip steps and advance in the desired direction faster than usual. But this power that comes with it can only be used personally, and not borrowed to others. In other words, we can now find that energy to go on with a personal project, to set up different personal boundaries, to speak our own truth. So, you see, we can’t speak someone else’s truth, nor can we act in their place. The power and energy of this channel can be sensed by people around us, and they might be tempted to ask us to use it for their own projects. It is not something feasible, unless these people’s interests match our own, so only then we can pick up on someone else’s task or project, and see it to an end. Otherwise, if we engage in other projects without being correct to our authority and strategy, we might end up burned out. The 34th likes to be busy, but still its energy is not endless, and if not used correctly it can turn into frustration and can make us act like bullies. The 20th likes to speak, and the shadow side is that it can talk too much. If the energy of gate 20 is used correctly, it helps us dive deep in the present moment, be aware of ourselves and our own needs. It can say things that are surprising even for the owner of the gate, but in the end this gate doesn’t like censorship. I believe it goes well with the directness of the Sagittarius, although some people may perceive it as “painfully direct and blunt”. When used incorrectly, this gate can make us run away from the present, fantasize about the future or spin thoughts and conversations about the past like a DJ. It can make us have a great sense of humor, or fail miserably with what we say, in case we mentally try to make an impression. This gate is not one to be overtaken by the mind, because only when it speaks from the deep truth of the 34th gate (specifically for this period, otherwise out of the truth of gates 10 and 57 to which it can also be connected), does it really make an impact. But we should not overlook the fact that the Throat center is not connected only to the act of speaking, but also with acting on a situation, starting to make steps in a certain direction. This means that if we feel fueled by the Sacral to go along with a task, and our authority also gives us the green light to take on it, it would be correct for us to do it, but otherwise we might act recklessly, using too much force, and instead of “moving the furniture” we might end up “breaking the furniture into pieces”. The 34-20 channel needs to be used properly, with right timing, in the right environment, and always according to the person’s strategy and authority, otherwise it becomes a loose cannon, with a real potential for destruction.
These days, until November 27th, a bit after midnight in Europe region, all of us can benefit from the energy of this channel. This is not a time to be shy or stay in our corners. This is a time to move forward, enjoy, have fun and be aware in the present.
Din haos, Doamne,-am apărut și m-aș întoarce-n haos… Și din repaos m-am născut. Mi-e sete de repaos.
Mihai Eminescu – Luceafărul
I was walking on the hills near my home, while looking down at the village in the valley. The sky was clear, with no clouds on it, the atmosphere was peaceful, and I could almost touch the air. It was serene. I felt peace, clarity, and control.
I kept walking on the path, leaving the village behind. My legs were firm, my steps left no sound, everything around me was just peace and quiet. As I kept on walking, the hills turned into a mountain, into an almost vertical rocky slope, and my path turned into a mountain one, on the side of the slope. It still seemed wide enough for me to carry on, so I kept on going. At one point, there was a dent in the path, like a wider space in which you could stop and enjoy the view, and a thought came to my mind, to go and sit there for a while, take a break, and rest. As I approached that spot, I realized the path became very narrow, to be more precise a foot-wide narrow, and I realized I was very far from the valley, high on the rocky mountain. I lost all my serene feelings on the spot, I stuck my back against the rock wall, and looked down. I could feel a sensation of spikes in my knees, my heart was rushing, and I was thinking that the road in the valley was way too far away for someone to hear me. I looked left and right, but I was stuck there, there was no way I could proceed on the same path, and no possibility of going back. I was stranded on a rocky mountain wall, too up to be able to climb down, and too low to be able to cross the mountain’s top. It was frightening, and all sorts of thoughts went through my mind, from calculating for how long I could make it there, to what would happen if I jumped? Could I land in the valley below somehow?
Surrender – Acrylic on canvas
The phone rings, it is 7:00 AM. I wake up with the same spikey feeling in my knees, with my heart pounding out of my chest, but I am relieved: it was just a dream! Still, one that felt so real! I was stuck in one of the most frightening situations that I could ever imagine for myself, and my mind was spinning thoughts, like broken records, as in how to proceed. It’s too little to say it took me the whole day to get over that feeling and the physical sensations from the dream. My mind was looking for solutions, even though it realized by now that it was a hypothetical situation, no action needed to be taken. But the mind didn’t mind, it kept on spinning, solving, controlling that which was just a dream.
This is the power of the mind, the only power it has: to spin thoughts, to spin ideas, and it is very good at getting caught up in them. But the world around us is based on Chaos. We came from Chaos, and we shall go back to it, and so on and so forth, until the end of time. And then, repeat!
I met Chaos so many times, that I almost consider it a close friend. It taught me a lot, much more than clarity and precision, more than any plan or preparation. If I tried to manage Chaos with my mind, it all went down the drain. Chaos doesn’t like logic, and logic is the only thing a mind can bring to the table. Chaos feeds on fear, and grows even stronger, so I had to make sure I don’t feed it some more. Both fear and logic belong to the mind, the mind doesn’t know much else besides these too. Or, maybe just a little bit of faith. But mental faith is not something that can stand the power of Chaos.
I took Chaos by the hand, and I said to myself: let’s flow! Let’s see where this takes us and where we could go. After lots of attempts of dealing with it from my mind, I closed my eyes and surrendered: let it be! I got tired of fighting with it, I realized there is no way to conquer it or win against it. After all, Chaos is our source, is where we come from, of course we have no power over it. But we have the power within ourselves. As I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe, I felt my body relax, and my heart beat in peace. I surrendered to Chaos.
And then, miracles happened! Everything is possible in chaos, and miracles are to be found in the midst of it. A different kind of faith and hope arises when I flow on Chaos’s waves, a deep faith in life and everything around me. It is something that one must feel, not argue or explain. I looked Chaos in the eyes, and for the first time I felt peace. The peace of knowing that out of it, everything arises, everything is possible, and the only thing I have to do is give into it. So, I did. Chaos can take each of us on a journey never seen before, will restructure and reform us from the core, but only if we don’t let the mind get in the way. We can have wonderful experiences and literally feel like flying, as long as we don’t try to control or understand with our Earthly minds, the one that is the source and ending of it all, life itself together with all our world.
Just like in my dream, I tried to find solutions many times to whatever situations came to me. I changed jobs, friends, towns and countries, to find a better place and life, to take over control and change my exterior to fit my interior. I got to the point where I would have changed the Solar System, the Universe, if possible, to fit my requests. But this can’t be done, because the Universe and life are not something we change, but something that changes us. The only way there is to go, is within, change whatever we think, believe or hold as a limit, so that we can fully live.
Chaos is best served with faith. But not the logical faith that we all know about, but with the one that comes from deep within, knowing that we are a part of it, together with it, and it will never turn against us, never attack, never do harm, but take us further and further in our becoming. Chaos is like a gentle friend, that wants to show us amazing things, doesn’t want any fight or opposition, just comes in, sits for a while, shows us its gems, and then lets us be, while we go back to our logically ordered lives.
The Chronicles of a Human Being 