My Sacral Joy – See the Flames

Two weeks ago, at the end of June, I went on my first Human Design immersion. As a short description, an immersion is meant to be the place where each type can observe itself and act, respond and be according to their Authority and Strategy. It is the place where one leaves the mind at the entrance door and starts listening to their body and all those silent feelings inside.

Although I still have to process those four days, which were so rich and amazing as if I lived a whole life during them, one moment, one feeling, had the main stage. One moment was the trigger of everything else, the moment when everything fell into place and felt right.

Before I tell the story about what happened, I would like to point out that Generators and Manifesting Generators, which make approximately 70% of the population, have the Sacral center (or chakra) defined. This center has to do with the life power, creativity, transformation, reproductivity and in general, joy. All people with a defined Sacral center should feel good in their own skin, so that they can attract the correct situations and people for them. If the connection with the Sacral response is lost, especially for people with Sacral authority, their entire life can just go shipwrecked. There are different types of authorities that people can have, depending on their type:

Sacral Authority ~ 35% of the population – chose what you feel energizes you
Splenic Authority ~ 11% of the population – chose what feels safe and insuring safety and survival
Emotional Authority ~ 45% of the population!!! – wait for an entire emotional wave to pass, with all its highs and lows, before choosing something
Environment / No inner Authority ~ 3% of the population – talk to other people and see them as “sounding boards”, before deciding to go on with a choice or not
Self-Projected Authority ~ 3% of the population – listen to yourself speaking about something before you decide to choose it or not
Lunar Authority ~ 1% of the population – wait 28 days before deciding on something
Ego Authority ~ 1% of the population – let your words come out and flow, about a situation, before you make a decision, listen to yourself talking and figure out what is the best decision.

As I am an emotional Manifesting Generator, my Sacral center is defined, giving me my Generator definition, but on top of that I also have emotional authority, that means my Solar Plexus is defined as well, and I need to listen to my feelings, besides my Sacral center. The Sacral center answers in the now, for simple questions, and this can happen even to Emotional authorities. It is best to ask it questions like: Do I want to eat now? Do I feel this dress/shirt is right for me? Do I feel comfortable wearing this? The Sacral center can easily answer to that, with a feeling in your stomach. But, in our world, as we give more authority to the mind and mental processes than to what our instinct says, it can take a while to find and listen to this Sacral response. I wasn’t sure of it, of how it feels like, of how I could use it. On top of that, my Solar Plexus has waves, mood swings, it takes time to process big questions and decisions, like changing the house, career changes, moving to a different place, etc. I had already been working with my Emotional authority for the last couple of years, so I got used to always sleeping on a decision and not making hasty moves on my high or low wave. I hate waiting, but I realized that patience and waiting for things to unfold and reveal themselves in their own time, play out much better for me than pushing for something immediately. Plus, I took too many decisions when feeling in a good mood, that I felt sorry for afterwards. Indeed, I felt sorry because I hadn’t followed my Authority, and did not wait for my emotional wave to cool down or get in a neutral zone before making a decision. So, I already knew what my Authority was and how to use it, but I still felt drained, exhausted, lacking joy of life and satisfaction. For a Manifesting Generator, this is even worse than being dead. It’s like being dead on the inside, while still walking to work, doing your groceries and looking apparently normal.

I had no expectations from this immersion, but I felt it was for me, I took my time, let my Authority sleep lots of nights over it, and in the end, it provided something awesome. During the second day, when my mind was already getting used to not being the center piece of the play, we went through a few meditations to just observe our centers. We were supposed to see how we feel around people whose Sacral center was undefined, compared to how we felt while being in a group of only defined Sacral centers. The first step was to focus on it and recognize it on the inside. That part was not that interesting, as I already knew how joy felt for me, how much power and strength that joy always gave me and how many things I could do with it. But I also felt sad, remembering how many times my joy and enthusiasm got shamed, blamed, how many times I was told they were too much for the ones around me. I remembered how I used to burry my joy, in situations in which displaying a joyous attitude was seen as impolite, incorrect, unwelcomed. I remembered voices, scenes, where I was misjudged for my enthusiasm, where it was considered scary and even aggressive, at times. As a teenager, I felt that inner joy, I had contact with it, and I felt it gave me the strength to move mountains. But then, life and situations happened, jobs that were too rigorous, places where politics and emotional blackmailing was more important than who I was or what energy I could bring in. A lot of conditioning went on, with me growing older and changing jobs, status and even physical appearance. I got to one point where I felt ashamed of my joy and love of life, where I started questioning if everything really is as nice as I see it, or if people that saw life like a doomed struggle, were the ones that were right. Maybe life was hard, maybe there was no place for joy in it, maybe those people were right! Maybe things did seem too easy to me, but in fact they were hard, and I saw them with ease just because I was a dreamer. But being a dreamer, living the life of an artist, doesn’t put food on the table, does it? So, I buried my joy. I buried it so deep that I even forgot I ever had it. And I felt lost without it. Like a lighting house whose light bulb is broken. I felt goalless, purposeless, a walking shell, but a functioning one, that could go to work and complete tasks correctly.

Then, on that second day, after we sat in the room with the undefined Sacral people, our group was told to go outside. Instantly, when the coordinator told us to go outside, all us Sacral beings, jumped up and went through the door! Everyone started laughing, because you could see all the energy bursting in us, the defined ones. It was so easy to see that spark, that energy that was just waiting there to be called out. We got outside, and unlike with the other meditations for the other centers, none of us could stand still. I felt like jumping, running, laughing, enjoying the nice weather and the Sun. I felt like SpongeBob! Everything around me was feeling wonderful, and inside me, the flame came back. I found my joy; I found my life force. I found the fire that I put down a long time ago. It was still there, still burning, but buried under misery, grieve and a lot of conditioning. I started focusing on it, while letting my body move as it felt like. For the first time, I let myself jump, yell, howl, laugh, look in the eyes of the others and not feel ashamed by my reactions, by my joy and my energy. I felt so empowered and powerful! I started jumping up and down, on the spot, to release some of that long locked in energy, because I realized there was no way for me to go back in the classroom for the next meditations, feeling so energetic. I remembered all those stories from when I was a baby and could go on without sleeping through the whole night. Yes, that was the feeling! The feeling that I have everything I need, that I can do and will do everything I feel I need to, the feeling that I need first to creatively do something with all my energy, before even thinking of going to bed. And during that day, I did. I went in the woods and danced, I had a run around the woods and in the evening I went to the nearby village to collect some pizzas. At the end of the day, we made a camp fire, and we sat around it, while eating our pizzas. I felt peace and satisfaction, plus a good kind, a nice kind of being tired. It was a satisfactory exhaustion. That was the moment when my Authority became even clearer to me. I looked into the flames of the fire, and I realized that a painting I had done months ago, while being on my low wave, was actually about all this joy, that felt like fire, being trapped inside by conditioning and my own rejection of it. That is how my Authority feels like: a burning fire, sometimes slower, sometimes harder, but always there, always burning and always fueling. I always had a deep respect for fire and I was always fascinated by it. I even got myself burned on my right hand, while playing with fire as a kid. But I always, always respected it and appreciated it. And so I should do with my inner authority too!

**See the flames inside my eyes, they burn so bright I wanna feel your love!**

For all the Sacral beings: don’t let your fire be put down! Honor it, respect it, and it will nurture you in ways you can’t imagine.

Also, from another fellow 5/1 MG, this song goes so well with the painting and all that fire that burns inside: I’m a Mess – Ed Sheeran

Enjoy your fire! Enjoy your joy!

July 7, 2022 0

Stairway to the Depths of the Unknown – The Semi Hidden Channel

I was walking along the seaside, on a beautiful, sunny spring day, trying to get a glimpse of some sea lions. I had a binocular that was rather useless, but in the end, any reason to get out of the house and somewhere near nature is a good reason. And as I was walking, I saw some steps that were going down the seashore and looked like going straight into the water. The investigator in me had to find out what exactly I was seeing, and how come, why were those stairs there. So, I forgot about the sea lions and went straight there. Indeed, there were these concrete stairs, with a steel handrail. They looked sturdy, complete and on purposely mounted there. However, their end went directly under the water, and there was algae everywhere, so I couldn’t see if and where they ended. For sure, they ended at some point, but even though the water was crystal clear, I could not see much.

I felt an urge to go one step further, try out and see how deep the stairs went. The water seemed nice, but on a second thought, it was still April, and the water barely gets to 20⁰C in August. The car was rather far away, so a wet walk back to it was out of the question. I kept staring at it for a few good minutes, with my had spinning around the reasons why it was there and what was it intended for. The curiosity was high, but the means were not there, so I had to just accept it as I saw it and move on.

Looking again at the stairs’ picture, back home, a revelation came to my mind: so, this is how a channel made out of conscious and unconscious gates looks like! You can clearly see its beginning, you see what it is and what it is made out of, on the conscious side everything is visible, out in the open, but on the other side, the design one, you can only imagine and assume based on the visible portion. It is there, it continues, just that it is no longer accessible in an easy way to the mind. The unconscious gate is one of faith, where things are rather left to work as hoped for. The only thing you can do with an unconscious gate is to believe in its direction and try to get glimpses of it. You can try to dive in the subconscious, and there are numerous ways to do that, however your mind will always have to translate in a comprehensible way what it has just seen. The subconscious, the design, is not plain and simple for the mind, it doesn’t speak to it in a direct language, but rather in a symbol encrypted way.

I had this question in my mind for some while now, about these double-sided channels. I read a lot about completely conscious or completely unconscious channels, but no clear information about the combined ones. How did they act like, how did they feel like and how exactly do they manifest in our lives?

I have two channels like this so I was more than interested to see what they meant and how they could be used. One of them is 9-52, the Concentration Channel. Gate 9 is defined on the personality side, while I have the 52 on the design. I can multitask, contrary to some texts that I read, but I have to thank to some extra design for that and sometimes even to my not-self. I can multitask only when I have already done that job lots of times before, when it is a repetitive action, a no-brainer that puts my mind to rest more than to work. But I remember about my University years and a subject very dear to me: The Theory of Elasticity and Plasticity. The level of mathematical calculations could have been easily compared with rocket science! It wasn’t about rockets, but it rocked my mind an entire semester. It was very much in the research direction, splitting an element into thousands of pieces and understanding every bit of it. Turning and testing everything on all sides, going more in the depth of the material, and testing it again to see how much could be loaded on it. My 5/1 profile and my mind loved this! I solved all the extracurricular problems, did all the extra homework, and started learning for the exam. And I remember now, how I would sit still for 3-4 hours in a row, being totally absorbed in the process, with nobody around me, no noise, no radio, nothing else in my sight except for the papers and the drawings. After studying, I would suddenly get so tired and sleepy, that my body would just faint to sleep then and there, with my head on the desk. After 30-45 minutes of deep, refreshing, sleep, I would be able to go on with studying, for another couple of hours, before I would fall asleep again. I didn’t even remember to eat that much, it was as if my mind was totally absorbed in the learning and calculating process that it wasn’t even there, in the body, anymore. I was not aware how I would have looked like from the outside, because I was not aware of my capability to stay still for such a long time, if the subject was interesting enough. I just knew I had to focus on the subject but had no clue on how my body would comply with being so taken out of the picture. Probably it was finally getting some rest from all the previous multi-tasking!

There is saying: whenever the question is asked, the answer is there. I had a question, and this stair was there 🙂

June 11, 2022 0

How and Why – Human Design and I

I was 11 years old when I discovered a book called “History of Religions”, written by Mircea Eliade, in my family’s library. I found this book, and I got fascinated by it, by the multitude of possibilities for someone to believe in something. I already knew that some people have different believes, gods named differently, but I never before saw all of them together, in a synthesis. Little did I know at that time that my 1st line was responsible with my investigative side. I got magnetized by that book, and then, I needed to know more. So, I started reading the holy books of all the religions I could find. In the same time, going through high school, I was introduced to new subjects, as Logic and Psychology. Philosophy was also there, but I never really engaged with it. The same happened with History, which at that time, seemed like an ordeal capable of freezing time. It was just dates and events and no real connection between them for my mind to grasp onto. It took me another 10 years, after graduating from high school, to get interested in and include in my mind puzzle the subject called History.

I always loved putting together data and making bigger pictures out of it. It was this skill that I used that was my first experience with Human Design. Unconsciously, I loved just gathering information for the sake of it and creating bigger pictures. I had later to discover that this was the basis of my design, my personal foundation, to become a “mountain of information”. But back then, I was just interested in everything I could read, about all the symbols, believes, superstitions, but also faith, trust and the various relationships between all these. I had the feeling that there is more, much more than what we perceive and do on a daily basis. I had the feeling that all the religions and systems of believes were here to ease the mind, give it a clear structure and explain somehow that which cannot be perceived. I was to find out, through Human Design again, that all this feeling and need for understanding was also part of my 1st line.

But information and data is nothing if not used for a higher purpose, for an action that can improve one’s life. I looked for a way to put together everything I knew and experimented and to draw an outline of what this experience called “Life” is. Therefor I started going to different workshops about the human mind, psychology and different types of systems and techniques to keep the mind and body in shape.

The ideas I could draw as a conclusion were that we all look for purpose in life, we all have hopes and concerns, we all feel lonely sometimes and we would all like to have just a bit of saving, once in a while. We try to figure out what and why is happening to us, how the world works and how we can feel better and have a more pleasant life. We all have a body that degrades if we don’t take care of it, we all need to eat, rest and live. Our stories may seem from the exact same movie although we were born in opposite places on this planet. None of us wants to harm or be harmed, and we all try to do our best to survive and have a life. I met people from different cultures, with different traditions, clothing and way of thinking, but the basis was always the same: a human being trying to find their way.

I had the fortune of encountering only the right people in these workshops and reunions, or maybe it was just me following my Authority. I had a big amount of things to learn from all the conversations and interactions I had. Until, one day, all that knowledge didn’t feel enough, and applying the known strategies didn’t lead to the same expected results. That is when my mind felt like, again, there must be more. There has to be a manual for how everything works! There must be a way to draw the pattern of the world that surrounds us, it must all be logical and understandable! If only there was a manual for… life!

And there was! But the first time I was introduced to Human Design it was about 8 years ago. My mind was not ready yet, and I was missing experience and understanding to go through with it. I found out I was a Manifesting Generator and that was about it. I tried looking it up a bit but it was just too much information, and too abstract for what I needed at that time. And that was OK. Human Design is a system for which one has to be ready, it can’t be taught by force. It is a system that takes time to be processed, it doesn’t give anyone any solutions over night. It is something that you read about, put the book down, go and experience and live, and understand what you just read. It also made me see things that I can’t un-see, brought acceptance for the world and life as is. It gave my mind the “Why’s” and “How’s”, while still leaving it on it’s own to figure out how to apply all of that.

Human Design is a system that you could say is based on I’Ching, Astrology, Physics, Mathematics and Numerology. In my opinion, a system that includes and covers it all was gold for my mind. I love synthesized information, all in one place, all together. I also find interesting that it’s founder, Ra Uru Hu (born Alan (Robert) Krakower, in Canada) never asked anyone to blindly believe anything he said, nor he asked to be followed or deified. He always asked people to try for themselves, see if they feel like it and how it works.

It all begins with knowing, as good as possible, your birth date, place and time. And from there, it’s a whole new universe! You can keep it at a simple level trying to figure out first your Authority and Strategy, listen to them and see how that goes. The next step could be in understanding the different defined centers, channels and gates. It is complex and you can search into it and complicate it as you wish, or keep it simple and easy. It takes years to decondition, which is to find out who you truly are and what is healthy and right for you, out of all the influence of the other people and the society. We are of different types, different definitions, every design and chart is unique. There are billions of combinations possible, but in the end, the gates and the basis are the same. It speaks about what we can bring into the world, skills, talents and gifts, of how we could use them properly for our own benefit and for the ones around us. It finally gives a manual to what and how could be done, what would be the mental hygiene for a person to make them feel good through this journey. I found that Human Design goes very well, hand in hand, with other deconditioning techniques like meditation, breathing exercises and even gardening! It closed the circle and brought the last pieces of the puzzle together.

We can all experiment an awesome journey on this rock called Earth, floating through space. And each of us has their own, unique path and way.

May 26, 2022 0

Human Design and I – Because We Are All Identically Unique

Almost 9 years ago, I realized I had to change a few things, something no longer felt right and I had no clear direction of what or how I wanted it to be. Little did I know I was having this process during my Saturn return, so definitely things were going to change. I think anyways, even culturally, when you approach the 30^th anniversary, some questions arise and you enter a different dimension.

Therefore, I started searching, looking more into it, trying to find at least a clear picture of what I wanted. I always loved searching, reading, accumulating information, plus I had a crush with Psychology and Philosophy. Even as a child, I would ask questions like “Why is the water wet?” and “What is outside the Universe?”. “Why?” was and still is my favorite question. I like going down to the root of things, to the reasons why something happens as it does, putting pieces of information together to fill in the big picture. I love the big picture, but also going into specific details, if something looks of interest.

I found out a lot about myself, from people coming from different environments, people with different backgrounds, applying a certain technique or another, teaching various systems, from self-development and business approach, to psychology, numerology, astrology, and finally Human Design.

The first time I heard about it, was during a meditation workshop, where the facilitator offered to calculate my profile. Her words still sound in my head: “Oh dear, you are a Manifesting Generator!”. “You have a lot of energy within, but you are not letting it out, to manifest” she continued. I went home and Googled a bit about the subject, but, it seemed years later, that was not the right time. The amount of information was overwhelming, texts that I found online were just repeating the same stuff. It was around 5000+ pages of reading, about some Mechanics, Physics, planets and where they were when I was born. A different type of horoscope, I joked to myself, and I just abandoned the idea.

I kept on working with myself, using the already known techniques, getting to a point where my mind thought there can’t be anything else. But my mind was so wrong! Due to different aspects of life and circumstances, I realized that all that I already knew, was no longer helping me. And this was because everything I learned was surely applicable to my old version, but the new version was immune to all I knew. The emergency signal was triggered by the body, as it usually happens, and I realized it was no longer cooperating as I knew until then. I went down a spiral, as all my foundational knowledge was useless now, and my health was not getting any better. Looking for information, I came across again, with the idea that I was a Manifesting Generator, so my body had a specific way of functioning due to that. Ok, now I had a reason for sure to investigate more in detail the Human Design subject. This time I looked for books, bought a few ones, and had my chart read by someone that had experience with it. It was a lot to process, and the idea behind it, that it takes up to 7 years to understand your chart and who you are, did not look appealing for someone with my short patience. But I said, hey, let’s give it a try! I haven’t tried it before, I don’t know if it works, but something about the things it mentioned resonated with me. I had applied other things before, and they had all worked, so I thought at least I could learn something new and expand my “database”, if nothing else.

This is how I got to really try out Human Design. I found out I am an Emotional Manifesting Generator, 5/1 profile, with a Left Angle Cross of Duality. I read, study, think about a subject, and in the end I have to see how the subject feels to me. And yes, that takes time, now I understand those 7 years needed for a complete rewiring. There is so much I can understand about myself and the world around through it. Things that I could not see where they were coming from before, now seem obvious. It is like a whole manual on what and how things should be done in order for us to thrive. Everyone is unique, with their own qualities and designs, everyone has the potential to develop into someone amazing and uplifting for themselves and the ones around. We all have 64 possible gates, defined or undefined, making up to 192 crosses, on 9 centers and numerous possibilities of combinations between different gates. All of us have the same template, empty blueprint, as in we all have similar characteristics and traits, but the fine differences make each of us unique.

May 1, 2022 0

Apply your Strategy – Or the Rule of Small Potatoes that You Never Want to Peel

I went to a food store to buy some potatoes, for some fries. I don’t like the already peeled and cut ones, I like buying the real deal, peeling and cutting the potatoes myself. It is something I enjoy, I like preparing a meal from scratch, with no pre-made things. And now, here I was, standing in front of the potatoes section and looking at all the bags on the shelf. There were not so many, I was in a hurry, so I grabbed one in which I saw a few nice, big potatoes, and on my way, I went, to the cashier. I didn’t take a good look at the bag, my mind was satisfied enough with the few good potatoes it had noticed. Plus, I was in a hurry to get to an appointment, so there was no time for me to spend on such a small, insignificant decision.

A week had passed, a week during which I had not touched my potato bag, and during which I had even forgotten buying it. Dinner time came and out of the pit of my creativity, the thought that I can quickly prepare some French fries, emerged. I grabbed the bag of potatoes, opened it and went for the biggest potato my eyes could set on. In the end, there were five decent potatoes, and a whole bunch of hard to peel, annoying little potatoes. The big ones were done in a few minutes, but I soon started feeling sorry for my life and questioning the Universe about the purpose of my existence, while cleaning twenty other finger-sized potatoes. My mind was annoyed, and the frustration was building up inside, when this was supposed to be, in fact, a very pleasurable dinner. French fries are amongst my favorite side dishes, but I was not able to enjoy them as much as I wanted due to the ordeal of peeling those little, annoying “mini” potatoes.

The story above happened because I did not listen to my inner Authority, and for sure I did not follow my Strategy. About Authority, I wrote here, but the Authority has to go hand in hand with the Strategy you follow, when dealing with a task. While Authority tells you What to do, and which way you should go, Strategy tells you How you should do it, so what tools to use, how to plan, set up, manage the tasks. According to my profile, I am a Manifesting Generator, so my strategy would be to respond to…. well, life! Easy to say, harder to do, when the inner feeling says you might miss out, get left behind, lose opportunities and get stuck outside the pace of the society. How in the world is this responding done?

The theory says I have to wait for the opportunity to arise, then ask my Authority if that would be benefic for me, and if so, I should go for it. OK, so here I had my first mind-blow: how am I supposed to wait??? I am one of the most impatient people that I know, I wish everything would have been done and finished and buried yesterday. So how am I supposed to wait? Wait for what? And what do I do while I wait? Also, because I am an Emotional Manifesting Generator, so with a defined Solar Plexus, I never have clarity in the now. There is no truth for me in the now and depending on how I feel in that particular moment, I could make my decision based only on that momentary feeling. So, again, it would be better if I waited until a full wave-cycle would go by, to make my decision.

My mind was annoyed and confused, but not in the same way as in when it had to accept the Authority idea, but more like… we are wasting precious time, waiting for something that may not even come! Also, if I feel good now and I decide something now, why would that be wrong? Why sleep over a decision? How long would a full emotional cycle last? Would I make my decision on time?

Not to speak about people around me that would usually rush me, because in their opinion, you have to do more and better and faster every single day. And I used to believe that for years, as well! Only when I started gardening, I truly learned and understood what patience was, and that was waiting for a tomato to grow or get ripped. You can’t rush Mother Nature; you can’t rush a vegetable to grow. “But you can definitely rush yourself!” my mind believed.

And my mind could not have been further away from the truth. Indeed, I always had strong feelings, both on the positive and on the negative side. When I am happy, I am happy with all my heart, you can see it on my face, in my eyes, in everything that I emanate around me. In the same way, when I am sad or frustrated, the whole world could go down the drain, I couldn’t care less, and I wouldn’t even feel sorry about it. Until I am back on the high side of the wave, that is. Every time I took a decision on the spot, I ended up regretting it. I had either to drop things in the middle of the events, because it was too exhausting for me, either to cringe on it, and finish the job, while my body took the toll and I had to take care of it to recuperate. Every time someone rushed me to make up my mind, I felt a strong opposition inside, but hey, I had to go with the society’s flow, so I went over myself to force me into making a decision on the spot. Anything that is forced is wrong and will fight back. Physics says so, not me, and yet I acted so many years as if I was outside the laws of Physics, or the Universal laws in general.

Going back to my potatoes bag, there was a clear an obvious reason to why things happened as they did: I was excited to have some fries for dinner, so on my high wave, I rushed myself and bought a bag without checking it, in the heat of the moment, only to regret it days later, and start criticizing myself for such a poor decision.

Because I have an emotional strong wave, I can’t dismiss or silence it. The only way to properly function with it is to honor it. I have to wait, learn patience, wait to hear my Authority, listen to it, and check regularly if that decision is still applicable. Because it might look like a good idea when I am in a good mood and I feel like moving mountains, but that doesn’t mean it won’t drain me if I get to apply that idea while I am on my low wave. During the high side, I don’t care if I have to clean two or twenty potatoes, while on the lowest side, I would rather not eat at all, than do anything in the kitchen. I can’t rush myself, because just like everything else around me, I am part of Mother Nature. It took me more than twenty years to understand that it is normal to change my mind, to feel differently during several days, to go from confidence and an alert rhythm, to melancholy and a slower pace.

Around 30% of the people are emotional, so they would feel better and do better in general, if they just listened and timed correctly their feelings and their emotional waves.

Around 30% of the people are emotional, so they would feel better and do better in general, if they just listened and timed correctly their feelings and their emotional waves. But for now, what society asks from us is to have a constant drive, constant energy, constant feelings and involvement. I bet the same society would like to keep Mother Nature growing crops all year round and the Sun up in the sky all day long. There is a reason for these cycles, and we are not here to interfere with them. We are here to understand them, learn them and work with them.

Or, as my husband said: Whenever you go and buy potatoes, chose the ones that you think you would peel and clean even in the most awful day, when you feel like doing nothing at all! And I think with this, he managed to put into a single sentence the whole meaning of applying personal Strategy.

April 25, 2022 0

Respect your Authority

Funny enough, the first lesson I received after I started learning Human Design, was about Authority. Now, since I was a child, this word had only negative aspects for me and meant bad consequences were around the corner. I used to feel shivers down my spine when it was mentioned. I never had an issue with the authorities, I didn’t get into trouble, and I tried to avoid them as much as possible. That much that when I had to go to the Chamber of Commerce and file a tax declaration, I almost fainted walking through the door. I grew up, somehow, with this idea of a punitive authority, one that looks only at your mistakes, and actually tries to prove everything you do is a mistake.

With all these believes in my head, here I was, during my first lessons of Human Design, hearing that I had to follow my Authority. I knew the subject and the idea were good, but that word, in there, that word was triggering so much stuff in my mind. I could not focus at all on the part with discovering anything, because my mind was too busy being angry and annoyed by the simple principle of authority.

I struggled for a few days, weeks, I don’t know, but it was for quite a while, to just accept the idea that an authority should be followed. I had to get over this issue before being able to discover what exactly that Authority meant for me, and where I was supposed to find it. So, I asked a friend, and an amazing meditation coach, to help me find my roots and get over this feeling that was in my way of learning Human Design.

His words got stuck in my mind, and even now I can clearly hear them. How he described it, the authority is not there to judge or punish, but it is there to lead, guide and nurture. And so, my inner authority was that part of me that listened to and observed life happening around me, while taking the best decisions for my personal wellbeing. My mind was blown away! It gave me a totally new perspective on what authority and responsibility meant. The responsibility of my inner authority was to make sure that I thrive, that I enjoy life, activities and that I correctly state and keep my boundaries whenever necessary. It was the first time when I heard such a beautiful and positive explanation of these aspects. It changed my mind completely about what personal responsibility and maturity meant, and for the first time, I didn’t feel afraid anymore of anything that had to do with the subject of authority.

I am a 5/1 profile, so I have been burnt at the stake lots of times. In most cases, being held responsible meant being told where I failed, what I had done wrong and what my punishment would be. Authority figures used to threaten with harsh consequences, in case I kept my opinions or continued to argue about different subjects, if I spoke up, and so on. I am a Heretic, so yes, I do speak up, I do state truths, which may be perceived as painful sometimes, it is a bit built up inside me to question everything, doubt everything and try the impossible! Ok, it is more built up inside! I like to challenge an idea, a tradition, a pattern, test it and find its flaws and, if possible, suggest a new one, more applicable for the current situation.

I started, therefor, to learn what was my own Authority. How did it look like, how did it feel and behave like, what was the overall idea behind it. During my first attempts to understand it, my mind was constantly in the way, arguing, explaining, battling the thought itself, because it was scared. It is very common for the mind to be afraid, because fear and doubt are traits of the not-self of the Ajna and Head centers. It is easy to fall in their trap and start ruminating useless thoughts. I was used to those useless thoughts, I was used to fear, I was used to acting in a fear based way. I learned in school that if you don’t work, you die of hunger, if you don’t have money, you can’t have a roof over your head, and if you don’t go along with public opinion, you will be rejected and most probably die alone. Of course, all my actions were to counteract all these negative, and presented as very probable, scenarios. My mind got stuck, realizing that fear wasn’t, isn’t and never will be, a good reason to do anything, but what else was there to take fear’s place? What other reason could someone have, except for acting out of fear, to do anything? Even more, how would life look like if there would be no more fear?

With these thoughts, I started exploring other possibilities, as triggers for actions, while I kept on reading about what inner Authority and Strategy meant, from a Human Design point of view. I then had another conversation with someone more experienced than me in HD, about art, sales and the reason someone would buy something. What if you buy something because it makes you feel good, and not because you need it to survive, as in eat, drink or get dressed? So, what if I saw art as something soothing for the soul, which is in the end, the only thing that matters? – What if I saw art being worthy of earning money? I contemplated this possibility, of enjoying life instead of living it as a battle, and I noticed that my body was giving me positive signals. I looked around me for things and activities that I might do, and I might enjoy. I followed my feeling, wherever it said I would feel good, and I noticed a lot of physical improvements. I found a table tennis location and I started playing. I bought myself canvases and paint and started painting for the pleasure of it, whatever I felt like, and without questioning myself if others would like it. I started taking breaks when I felt the need and working when I had the energy, even if it was late in the evening or even in the middle of the night. And, suddenly, I was sleeping better, eating better, having more muscular strength and a clear head.

Since then, I understood my Authority more and more. I am an Emotional Manifesting Generator, so I have an emotional wave to ride, and strong feelings in my body if something feels right or wrong. I tested my Authority in all kinds of situations, from choosing the road that had less traffic, to working with people, playing games, and even doing my taxes. I let my mind think and make scenarios, but I no longer allow it to make decisions. I involve my mind, now, in HOW to perform something, HOW to deal with a situation, but I don’t allow it anymore to choose WHAT to do. I learned the highs and the lows of my emotional wave, how to use it when it’s on the peak, and how to rest and take care of myself when it’s on the low. I have become more aware of my reactions, triggers and of the persons’ around me.

But besides the physical aspects, I also found one thing that I felt was missing: an inner feeling of confidence, support, strength and stability. In the end, together with my Authority, I found my best friend, confident, helper and caretaker: I found myself!

April 22, 2022 1

Shine your darkness!

Put a light on it!

It was a dark night, perfect for watching the stars. All I needed was my telescope, and a nice, deep, darkness. The campfire near me was still flickering, and in the beginning, I thought it wouldn’t bother me. I didn’t feel like taking my time and putting out the fire.

With my eye in the telescope’s ocular, I was trying to focus the image, and take a look at Orion’s belt. I noticed something annoying, in the corner of my eye, something that was disturbing my entire focus: the fire. There was no other way for me to continue, it really messed up my focus, unless I put out the fire. So, I took a bottle of water and put it out.

My eyes instantly felt satisfied with the complete, pitch-black darkness. I didn’t even need the telescope anymore, as the Milky Way was showing itself nicely in the sky. My mind was in awe and my eyes refused to blink, not to lose the beautiful scene in front of me. It was silent, and dark, and still. I was amazed and felt grace and gratitude. The thing is, it takes quite some effort to find a good spot, with perfect darkness, to wonder through the sky.

A perfect darkness! We need a perfect darkness, to contemplate and be amazed by the quiet and discrete world surrounding us, by the greatness and the beauty of the Universe.

Jumping a bit to a different subject, the last two years were… let’s say interesting. I don’t know what everyone has been through, but based on my personal experience, I can only imagine. And in these times of trouble and confusion, I saw a lot of motivational stuff praising light, happiness, joy and, what I call, Pink Unicorns!

I felt a paradox, between what I saw posted on the internet, all the motivational and joyous messages, and how I actually felt inside, what was on the news, and the words I was hearing from the people around me. The discrepancy was huge, my mind was in pain, my body started to get tired by all this conflicting information, but my soul was calm and present. I started asking myself: how come, despite it all, my soul is at peace, my fundamental mood is of calmness and serenity. Just like the paradox from the media, there was one in my mind too. After sitting a long time with myself (lockdowns helped a lot with that), I finally understood it: there was no paradox, there is no paradox, it is OK just as is.

We are everything, at the same time. We are both light and darkness, but more than that, we need both light and darkness. I have noticed a trend to promote only light, happiness, positivity and a perfect mood. And on the other side, too little posts, research, documents on how to deal with the bad stuff, how to make it through losing someone, how to breathe another time, another day, how to survive fear, how to deal, in the end, with the negative, bad, ugly, undesirable part of us. I can get why we want to look the other way, and search only the beauty and the silver lining, I definitely understand it, with growing up in a fear based system, where all reasoning was done based on the worst outcome. We got here after hundreds of years of misery, pain and suffering, culminating with the Dark Ages. And after that darkness, and the horror of those centuries, the illuminated era came. Light came into place, and it seems humankind wants to forever forget, dismiss, not talk about those times, and especially the misery that came along. Humankind behaves like a traumatized person, that has been through hard times, and found that the only way to cope with the PTSD is to deny it ever happened! Humanity put the negative thoughts, the negative part of human experience, under the mat, it didn’t clean it, it didn’t get over it, but it left it to rot until the smell of it will force us to act.

But until then, all we see is light and unicorns! We want to dismiss all the “darkness” in us, we define it as not good, as something that has to be eliminated and replaced with positive vibes. We are complete beings, with all the range of feelings, thoughts, experiences that we can have. We shut out half of ourselves, we dismiss half of our personalities, who we are and what we do, by not even wanting to take a look at our dark side. Of course, we get to feel incomplete and insecure! We consider half of our person should not even exist, is shameful, it’s embarrassing, should be cut out completely.

Try driving a 4 wheels car, with only 2 wheels! Try looking at the stars, with the Sun in your eyes (or a camp fire flickering)! It’s exactly the same outcome: nothing proper will happen!

The dark side, the shadow, our negative part, is not there to annoy us, put us in bad situations, destroy us or others. The dark side is there to protect us, keep us surviving, in a world that constantly blames half of our personality. The shadow comes into action, takes over and dismisses anything else when we perceive ourselves to be in danger. It kicks in the survival mechanism, no matter the consequences, it’s following the “do or die” principle. And the shadow kicks in the most, when is blamed or banished. How many times did we feel anger for being ashamed by someone? The anger, the dark thoughts about the other one, shaming us, were there only to keep us from dying of shame. They were there to show us we can still be strong and worthy. Negative feelings and thoughts come from fear, from the fear that our person could be neutralized. So, we can see, as a logical conclusion, that negative feelings are not the enemy, they are there to protect us from a perceived danger. What needs effort and focus is precisely that perceived danger. We shouldn’t shun away the dark thoughts, but we should acknowledge them, observe them and sit with them, so that we can determine their cause, the source of our fear, and work on that.

Thoughts are just thoughts, until they come into action and get materialized. Why are we so afraid of thoughts? Probably because we know only fear and fear related reactions. Most certainly, because we don’t KNOW how to deal with such thoughts. We think we have no saying to them, so we are afraid (again, fear!) that those thoughts will turn into regrettable actions. But if we eliminate fear, the “bad” thoughts also go away. Fighting our thoughts will only cause a fight back from their side, according to one of Newton’s laws, and will only cause a reaction of the same intensity as the feeling. That reaction will either turn the body sick or will make one lose their control and… snap! In which case, the people around will see just the snap, as a bad, shameful consequence of bad thoughts. Yes, that is true, but we should dig deeper and see the cause of those bad thoughts, and eliminate and treat that, which is FEAR.

In the end, our “negative” side, is just a part of us, that can become our friend, our ally or our foe. We can allow it at the negotiation table, while observing in detail it’s reasons and logic. The more we are going to push it away from having a say, the more it will fight back. We can listen to it and get valuable information about why we have certain thoughts and feelings, and it can be one of the best tools to understand and manage ourselves. We can take, as an example, the anger I mentioned above, when someone tries to diminish our efforts. That anger shouldn’t be translated in punching the other one, to make them shut up, but it should be directed inwards, as to finding the reason of it. Maybe the shamed person feels worthless, powerless, ridiculed, overall has a low self esteem. In this case, that anger can show the low level of self esteem, and the person can start working on that, looking for support, improving themselves, seeing their worth and the things they have already achieved. That shame can be then turned into a moment of realizing ones worth, strength and courage, so it can be switched into an asset and a win.

In any case, if we just let our “dark side” speak, state it’s ideas, we might even notice that it doesn’t want to take the lead anymore. I am not saying that we should put our darkness in charge of our lives! But I believe we would be calmer and happier, if we stopped judging, cutting down, and banishing half of who we are and what we feel and experiment.

In certain moments, darkness can show you wonders, can highlight subtle details and bring a whole new perspective on what is in front of our eyes. Just like I needed darkness to see the Universe’s greatness, the darkness inside us speaks about all the possibilities that we have, in order to achieve our own greatness. If we listen to it, it can take us to deep places, where, if we have the courage to take a look, we might find gems and become better, stronger, wiser.

October 6, 2021 0

Dacă nu de frică, atunci de ce?

S-au luat Primul, Al Doilea și Al Treilea, și s-au pornit în prima lor aventură. Aveau să caute alte Consilii, să învețe, să încerce, să se bucure de Drum și să profite de toate ocaziile de a face ceva.

Drumul era plăcut, printr-o pădure deasă și răcoroasă. Primul se uita uimit de încântare la peisaj, Al Doilea respira aerul curat și se simțea revigorat, și Al Treilea calcula, analiza, studia. Primul știa exact ce și cum, Al Doilea simțea, dar Al Treilea nu înțelegea. Se uita la primii doi cu stupoare, șocat de ușurința cu care mergeau pe drum. Al Treilea nu considera că Drumul era ușor și nici că primii doi aveau motive să fie atât de împăcați cu ei. Începu să se agite și să le atragă atenția primilor doi, cum că nu știau foarte bine unde se află, încotro se îndreptau și cum aveau să ajungă la Capăt.

Primii doi pășeau cu ușurință și grație, nu aveau nevoie de motive să se simtă bine și să fie fericiți. Al Treilea nu îi înțelegea și se puse pe făcut un plan care să îi aducă pe primii doi de partea lui. O luă puțin înainte pe drum și dădu o privire. După ce se termina pădurea, apărea o vale cu o cetate. În cetate erau multe consilii, multe posibilități și Al Treilea se gândi la un plan: trebuia să îi convingă pe primii doi că doar cu ajutorul lui puteau să aibă succes în cetate. Și pentru asta, trebuia să îi convingă că există un pericol, pe care doar el, Al Treilea, putea să îl îndepărteze. Așa că se duse la primii doi, care încă se minunau de pădure, și începu să le vorbească. Le povestise tot ce văzuse, zidurile mari și greu de trecut, poarta grea și greu de împins, pericolele până acolo, la zidurile cetății, și cele de dincolo de ele. Începu să facă planul, cum să evite obstacolele și cum să se păzească de neprevăzut.

Primii doi nu erau foarte convinși, dar având în vedere că scopul celui de-Al Treilea era să îi ducă în siguranță pe Drum, acceptară și începură să îl asculte. La fiecare pas, la fiecare mișcare, Al Treilea descoperea doar pericole, grozăvii de evitat, capcane de observat și își petrecea toată ziua elaborând planuri și punând la punct strategii. Primul încerca să îl înțeleagă și să îl urmeze, dar nu reușea să îl cuprindă cu mintea sau să aplice exact indicațiile lui. Totul era atât de nenatural pentru Primul. El vedea lumina printre copaci, se bucura de Drum așa cum era, doar și-l dorise de când se știa! Și Al Treilea îi întuneca plăcerea cu fiecare ocazie, scoțând la iveală toate pericolele și nenoricirile de care el, Al Treilea, avea să îi salveze. Primul nu simțea nici o nevoie și nici un motiv să fie salvat și nu înțelegea de unde atâta panică și frică pe capul celui de-Al Treilea.

Al Doilea mergea incet, alături de Primul și Al Treilea, fiind fericit când era doar în compania Primului, și simțindu-se încolțit și epuizat când Al Treilea îi dădea indicații. Orice și oricâte ar fi făcut Al Doilea, nu era niciodată destul pentru Al Treilea. Al Doilea se simțea nerespectat și batjocorit, neapreciat și, în anumite momente, chiar urât de Al Treilea. Era clar, oricâte ar fi făcut, că nu ar fi fost niciodată destul pentru Al Treilea. Al Treilea se uita mereu la alte consilii și se compara cu alții, în același timp comparându-l și pe Al Doilea cu alții din alte consilii. Alții erau mai puternici, puteau să îndure mai multe zile fără apă, mâncare, somn, cereau mai puține și tăceau mai mult. Dar ce nu vedea Al Treilea, era că cei cu care îl compara pe Al Doilea erau mai epuizați, nu mai aveau mult până cedau și erau tratați în ultimul hal. Nu conta pentru Al Treilea! Singurul lucru care conta era să supraviețuiscă, el și doar el, chiar dacă singur, dar îi era frică să nu moară, să nu se piardă, să nu fie mai prejos ca alții, să nu, să nu, să nu!

Văzând Primul că Al Doilea suferă, îl luă pe Al Treilea deoparte:

Explică-mi, te rog, ce e cu tine! Sunt aici pentru tine, să te ajut și să mergem mai departe.
Tu nu înțelegi, răspunse Al Treilea. Tot ce vreau e să vă țin în siguranță, nu vezi că sunt pericole la tot pasul? Ce o să facem, ce o să faceți, în cetate? O să ne mănânce de vii! O să murim de foame! O să ajungem victimele celorlalți! Vor profita de noi, o să ne fraierească, o să ne folosească! Dar EU, doar EU, o sa am grijă de voi, o să vă învăț ce să faceți să nu muriți de foame, o să vă zic mereu ce să ziceți ca lumea să nu se supere pe voi și să nu se întoarcă împotriva voastră, o să vă arăt cum să învărtiți lumea pe degete, ca să nu vă învărtă ea pe voi.
Bine, dar asta nu inseamnă că vom deveni și noi la fel, și că o să ne purtăm și noi cu ceilalți la fel? Întrebă Primul.
Ba da, dar ce să facem, trebuie cumva să îmi înving frica, și cel mai bun mod este să îmi fac un plan de bătaie. Nu vezi căte pericole sunt în jur? Tot Drumul e plin de pericole, nu mă pot liniști o secundă! Fără mine nu ați fi ajuns nici până aici! se repezi Al Treilea la Primul.
Al Doilea nu se simte bine, uită-te bine la el. Așa nu mai poate continua, și fără el, nu putem face nimic, nu putem merge nicăieri. Lui nu-i place frica, îi face rău. Poți te rog să găsești alte motive și perspective de acum încolo? Nu îl mai putem ține în frică mult timp, nu mai e mult până nu voi mai putea să îl ajut.
Și dacă nu mă bazez pe frică, în alegerile pe care le fac pentru noi, atunci pe ce să mă bazez??? Întrebă uimit și debusolat Al Treilea.

August 5, 2021 0

Consiliul Celor Trei

Și s-a luat Primul, și a început să-l caute pe Al Doilea. Odată decis că avea să încerce Viața, nu putea să treacă prin ea fără să aibă un aliat fidel, care nu vorbește multe dar face pe măsură, care să îl tragă de mânecă când greșește și are grijă de el când este pierdut. Primul nu putea oricum să se deplaseze, să vadă, să simtă, să încerce, fără Al Doilea.

Așa că s-a pus Primul pe căutat, în lung și-n lat, să-și găsească aliat.

Și într-o zi, l-a găsit: rezistent, durabil, ușor regenerabil, cooperant și maleabil. Al Doilea a fost bucuros de alegere, a acceptat regulile Primului, și-a luat angajamentul să îi fie alături până la sfârșitul drumului, și mereu, dar mereu, să i se supună. Mai puțin atunci când Al Treilea avea să aibă cerințe exagerate. Primul a fost de acord, și au pornit împreună să îl găsească pe Al Treilea.

Drumul prin Viață depindea într-o măsură covârșitoare de Al Treilea. Fără el, primii doi puteau să încerce un drum, dar nu s-ar fi ales cu mare lucru, ca experiențe, și nici nu ar fi înțeles multe. Aveau nevoie de cineva care știa drumul, putea să aleagă direcții, să ia decizii în cel mai scurt timp, și, cel mai important, să vadă clar, mereu, Drumul. Și dacă primii s-au găsit ușor, nu la fel stătea treaba cu Al Treilea. Al Treilea putea să facă sau să desfacă tot, să oprească drumul oricând, să îi dezbine pe primii doi, sau să îi facă mai apropiați, să îi ducă în locuri bogate in posibilități, să le asigure un Drum confortabil.

Pentru început, toți cei care puteau fi Al Treilea, arătau la fel. Doar la o privire mai atentă, se puteau vedea zgărieturi fine, trăsături mai adânci sau mai superficiale, comportamente mai exuberante sau mai retrase, cu posibilități de expansiune mai mari sau mici, mai ușor sau mai greu de manevrat, cu inerție mai mare sau care se lăsau impresionate mai ușor.

Primii doi au avut nevoie de timp să aleagă, pentru că era o decizie crucială. De Al Treilea depindea, până la urmă, toată experiența numită Drum.

Și, la un moment dat, Al Treilea a fost ales: avea o capacitate mare de procesare, dar necesita energie multă și era destul de volatil. Emitea păreri constante și se răzgândea des. Îi plăcea să se audă vorbind, să creadă că e Singurul, o lua înainte pe diverse căi fără să îi pese de părerile primilor doi și avea, în general, o stare constantă de agitație.

Văzând că Drumul devine mai stâncos, primii doi se retraseră și îl lăsară pe Al Treilea puțin singur. Primul și Al Doilea își dădură seama că Al Treilea avea să le cauzeze situații neplăcute, chiar putea să îi întoarcă unul împotriva celuilalt, putea să încerce să preia controlul și să le termine Drumul, într-un mare accident și dezamăgire. Primii doi își doreau mult să aibă un Drum lin și să îl parcurgă liniștiți, învățând, încercând, simțind. Își dădură repede seama că trebuiau să facă ceva, să discute cu Al Treilea.

Al Treilea era atât de impresionat de cei din jurul lui, alte echipe, alte drumuri, că cu greu reuși să își audă partenerii. Primii ajunseră la o concluzie, văzând că nu reușesc să comunice cu Al Treilea: Al Doilea urma să ia o pauză, să aibă grijă de el puțin, în timp ce Primul avea să stea de vorbă, în liniște, cu Al Treilea.

Deși, la început, Al Treilea nu dorea să audă nimic, nici nu își imagina să stea de vorbă cu Primul, în final a cedat, învăluit de cunoașterea și autoritatea Primului. El, Al Treilea, era acolo să servească, să aducă înțelegere și colaborare, să fie legătura lor cu lumea, să îi ghideze și să aibă grijă de primii doi. Nu era acolo să se impună, să schimbe regulile jocului sau să intre în competiție cu alții. Era acolo să își ajute echipa.

Al Treilea a înțeles și a renunțat la dorința de a deveni Primul, iar astfel, a devenit Conducătorul.

Și așa s-a născut Consiliul Celor Trei: Primul, Al Doilea și Al Treilea, pe Drum.

August 2, 2021 0

Are you sure? Are you sure you are sure?

Universe: So… you say you want to get healed, hmmmm? Do you want to live a life of happiness and prosperity? Feel free and light, powerful and worthy, engaged and self confident?

Human: Aham! Yes, please, please, please! I will do ANYTHING!

U: Anything??? Sure???

H: Yes, yes, please, I really WANT it!

U: Don’t you mean You need it?

H: Whatever, just gimme!!! Now! Please! As soon as possible!

U: OK! Let’s play!

And so it begins! The journey to a lighter, nicer, more powerful and self confident YOU. Each time we declare something, just like when writing a code for software programming, the Universe (exactly like the program) will take our desires as absolute truth and start playing it’s role. If we say „Let’s dance”, the Universe takes us for a dance.

There is no right and wrong in the view of the Universe, all is equal and equally important. Our desire is a spontaneous trigger in the world around us. There is no coincindence, no mistake, no flaw. But just like a software program, the Universe returns us only calculations based on the input we give it. A good friend of mine used to tell me that a program, just like a book or anything else created by a person, is only as good as that person was at the time they created their stuff. Of course you write a book or some lines of code in one way when you are 20 years old, and in a totally different way when you 40 or 80 years old. What changes in between? All the choices we made, everything we triggered in the Universe and around ourselves, during all those years.

When we make a declaration as in „ I wish I had that…” or „ I wish I were in that place/position/situation/etc”, or even worse „ I will never do/want/say that again”, strongly connected to „ I wish I hadn’t done/said/took that decision”, the Universe starts working accordingly. Everything we think, feel and especially express, is released in the surrounding space and starts making waves, as in a lake, and wrinkles throughout space.

One of the „in trend” ideas is to get healed. Somehow, through a weird and very off set thinking process, we got to some conslusions:

If we heal, we get everything we ever wanted (cars, looks, posessions, MONEY, relationships, etc)
Once we heal, our job is DONE, therefor there is ONLY happiness and pink clouds from there on.
If we heal, we can TAKE OVER the people around ourselves, show them who’s the boss and make them pay for everything they have done to us
Once we heal, we get to retreat to a sunny island, live there laying on our backs for the rest of our lives while everything else will fall, by default, in it’s place.

With all due respect, none of the hypothesis mentioned above is true. Or, at least, not for our true self, even if it might sound right for the Ego.

Healing means breaking loose from the Ego, as the Ego is the shield we put up to endure the world and the lens we use to judge it. Healing comes with uncovering all those hidden corners, cleaning up all the basements of our minds, throwing away all that we valued as treasure, but is, in fact, trash!

Healing means we put up our sleeves and we start working on ourselves. The stronger the Ego, the harder the work, but we mustn’t, by all means, look into fighting it. The Ego is made out of struggle and fight, and will always thrive and enjoy a good fight. And we might even lose the fight, because we should know better, we built it to be strong and withold all that life threw at us.

Healing is like a process in which you perform surgery on yourself (sometimes with help, sometimes on your own): it hurts in the begining, and, depending on the Ego’s strength, it hurts more or less, for a shorter or a longer period. Some people are not ready for that or they get scared, and that’s OK. If we all healed at the same time, this place called Earth would probably be left without a meaning for humans, as this is our playground. We come here to learn, experiment, play in the mud. But just like with kids, from time to time we have to wash ourselves and take a little bit of care of ourselves. Or…just grow the layer of mud on our skin, until it becomes the Wholy Grail of our Ego.

Healing is a process that needs to be done on the soul’s pace, on a convenient rhythm for all three: soul, mind and body. It triggers memories, makes us reevaluate stories, especially OUR OWN story, it makes us doubt past choices, future choices, the meaning of life itself. And that’s OK too. This is how it’s suppose to happen: it’s suppose to shake you to wake you up. Sometimes we even have to demolish completely, do some repairs at the very foundation of our being, so it also takes a quite impressive amount of energy. But it’s also not hard! Once we get ourselves into inertia, it gets easier and easier every time to heal a bad memory, a trauma, a missconception about oneself. Another annoying thing that could happen would be for us to see our dark side, the shadows that we never recognized as belonging to us, because of various reasons. Now this one really hurts! Realising we also did stupid mistakes, bad things to other people, that we are not the victim saints we visualized ourselves to be in our minds. No, we are not perfect either, let’s not turn our every day Ego into a spiritual one: I am cleaning more than you, I am healing more than you, I am better than you! No no, we all have light and shadows, we all use both of them, we are all humans in the end. Healing time is a not a time to be bragging about, but one in which we must finally focus on ourselves. Healing is like defragmenting your computer and making it work better. It’s not about removing the „bad” and becoming all „good” and „saint”, it’s about looking ourselves in the eyes, sorting and properly placing onto drawers all the elements that define us, and using them properly.

And this… doesn’t end until we die. It doesn’t bring instant money, but brings, in time, prosperity and abundance. It doesn’t solve all our future conflicts, but helps us manage them better. It doesn’t punish people around us for „what they have done to us”, neither give us the Lottery jackpot and the possibility to live a life of total waste and expenditure.

But it helps our body function properly and physically heal. It helps us have good and meaningful relationships, good memories, a joy to go through life learning, excitements, energy and drive. Healing makes our souls feel better, and as the line says „On Earth as it is in Heaven, on the outside as it is on the inside”, our life on this planet would be improved.

Universe: Are you sure you are sure you are ready?

December 1, 2020 1