Category: What I Have Learnt

The best way to understand is through trying and playing.

Power to Empower

The last post introduced the idea that the opposite of criticism is empowering the other one. But before mentioning some guidelines on how we can do that, I think it’s necessary to clarify what power and empowering the other ones means.

I will take this from a Human Design perspective, although this idea may be combined with any other techniques that are familiar to you, philosophical/ethical or even logical approaches. One of the first things I studied and understood about my chart was my Gate 34, as my Personality Sun, on line 5. Reading the explanation about it didn’t bring good feelings, I must admit. It is called The Gate of Annihilation, in the I-Ching Rave Line Companion book. This is said to be a gate of power, and especially for the 5th line, it brings to its owner the projection from the other ones that they have personal power, huge amounts of energy. People project on the carrier of this gate that they have all the necessary power for a specific task and also the power of total annihilation of resistance. And, from my point of view, up to some degree, it is true! First of all, I believe impossible doesn’t exist, and if I want to do something, there is a way, and I will get it done, no matter what. I was aware of this approach I had on life, I felt like this since I became aware of myself, as a child, I could never take a No for an answer. And I also didn’t like people who used to threaten me by saying “You’ll see how hard it gets”, “You’ll see that it is not as easy as you believe”, “Nobody has done this before, who do you think you are going to do it”, or my favorite “It is so hard and requires so much energy to do it, why do you even want to do it”?

Feeling that inner power, that inner potential to achieve anything and everything, had been my companion since I was a child. But it also made me move forward, break through and take on chances, when my mind was yelling desperately to not do it, because it didn’t know how to handle it. I was feeling that drive and fuel, the flames coming from my sacral center and the joy of taking on life. And I felt it until I… got my first job! That is when the fuel got dimmed down, norms and procedures and internal rules (that nobody really respected in that company) broke the drive and started getting me depleted. But at the same time, people started projecting on me their expectations: how I should walk, talk, sell, convince others of our services and so on. Nothing felt right for me anymore, and my inner power was gone, sitting now in the illusional hands of other people. The thing with this personal power is that people see it, feel drawn to it, and would like to take it and use it for themselves. Just like when your car tank is empty, but then you think you see an abandoned car on the side of the street, with a full tank, and you instantly have a thought that you could take that fuel for yourself. And this unequal exchange of energy happens, there are people that drain others, because they have lost their personal power, and there are people who allow themselves to be drained. But the power is personal, not selfish, but personal. Unless I feel like giving my power to something or someone, unless my power gets enhanced by my actions, I won’t do it. And I shouldn’t do it, because it would just leave me drained, and then I have to get back together, back to myself.

And this “back to myself”, this is what personal power means. It means discovering all the fuel, the drive, the inner compass, and the personal typical level of energy that someone has, alone, regardless of what or who is around them. Back to yourself means going back to the origin point in which you exist and express yourself, and how you feel on the inside, even if there is nobody around, when there is nothing to do or fix, nobody to interact with, nothing to distract you from your inner world. It is the foundation of who you are, and in today’s world, it means rediscovering it. This is what finding your personal power means: getting back to who you are when nothing else is. And once you get there, you find home within yourself, peace, stability, awareness. That is the start of your life, the main core, your life force. And from there onwards, you can start building up whatever you need, on top of that. This core power is also a good place to come back to after a busy day, or a turbulent period. It is the safety that you find in yourself, the only thing that you can count on while navigating through this life.

For me to find my personal power, and to finally understand what feeling empowered means, and the meaning of my gate 34, I had to crumble to pieces all my reality (I moved to another country), and to spend a lot of time with myself and just a few other people (lockdown happened). I already had an idea of how it works, how it feels like, but I wasn’t consistent in my feelings, and I didn’t always remember to get back to my core when my mind started wondering off. In general, it takes some shaking for the mind, to allow clear passage to your core power. Because this power can seem too much to handle, and if left out in the open without awareness, it can act like a loose cannon. Probably that is why a lot of people are afraid of their own power and avoid seeing their own greatness; because that power may seem hard to control (about controlling this power, I will come back in another post). But this power is the only one bringing joy, ease and flow to life. It is for personal use, not for others, and from a Human Design perspective it can reside in any gate you have as your Personality Sun.

Feeling empowered means acknowledging your own inner power. And when I say “power”, I don’t mean “force”(that belongs to the mind) and I don’t mean “strength” either (strength means endurance, resistance, which is not the case anymore when you feel in your power). When I say “power” it is that feeling of joy and wonder in front of life, that drive to take on with an open heart whatever comes your way, knowing that no matter what happens, you can make it through, you will get wherever you wish, you can make it happen. And above all, effortlessly!

Did you ever imagine that you could do anything, and feel fueled by it at the same time? Like you would have energy to carry on with whichever task you wish (not have to!), and at the same time you wouldn’t feel drained or tired for a second?

Let me know your thoughts about it, and I will come back with what I usually do to get myself empowered, and also inspire this in the other.

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The Opposite of Criticism

Aaah, criticism! Sweet, old, bitter criticism! The one we all grew up with, and the one that was never left out. The criticism that we thought was the only trigger to make us move mountains…and ourselves. We grew up with the idea that criticism improves, it is needed and it is the only thing making us go forward.

When I say “criticism” I talk about labeling, judging, comparing, blaming, shaming, guilting someone with the “high purpose” of improving them, or getting them to feel a need to improve themselves.

First of all, let’s take it logically. When everything around is chaos, or emotional blackmail, logic is the last resort. So, going on with logic, when I say someone should improve something, like their attitude, skills or actions, I am judging their current level based on my own views. If I criticize them now, is because according to my standards, they are not good enough. I judge, label and condemn at the same time; because my standards are mine, they are not universal, my views are also personal, and nobody should just adjust and submit to them by default. And of course, it also goes the other way around, meaning that when someone criticizes me, they do it based on their view, information, standards and expectations, which has nothing to do with me, in the end. This way, the first step when criticizing someone would be to evaluate them, according to MY perspective, and then draw the conclusion that I have no use of them like this, so they should change. Here we get to the second step: they are of no use to me like this! But why should someone be of use to me? Why just that specific someone? And why in a specific way? And most of all, who am I so that I expect them to serve me and be useful to my needs? As for the third step, this where the real action kicks in: I tell them, in any possible way, making use of any argument, emotional blackmail, bringing up tradition, culture, rules, laws, etc., maybe even throwing in there a bit of threatening, anything it takes, to make them change. And this is the third problem-step: I want to force someone to change. Force brings only counterreaction, which then evolves into a power struggle, and even if in the end I win, it will leave both of us, so me included, depleted.

One thing that I learned through my 28-38 channel (The Struggle Channel) is that if a battle that doesn’t fulfill you, regardless of the outcome, is not a battle worth fighting for. What use do I have of winning something, with the price of my own energy, that I can’t enjoy afterwards, because I am too drained, exhausted, depleted to enjoy it at all? And this is just a parenthesis about getting into power fights with another mind: they will always leave you drained, they will always cost you a lot of energy, so in my opinion, these battles are not worth fighting.

Coming back to criticism, I started studying it long time ago, when something didn’t feel right. Somehow, criticism never landed well with me. Maybe this comes from my 40th gate, my Design Sun, or from the 26th gate, my Design and Personality Uranus, or maybe I just don’t find it useful to be told what I am doing wrong. Being told what I could do better feels way more useful and saves more time!

How can any of the blaming/shaming/comparing methods give fuel to someone to take on a new task, or to improve something about themselves? I never felt motivated by these techniques, so I always avoided applying them on others. As a 5/1 profile myself, if a method that I tried doesn’t work, I just go looking for another one, there is no time to waste on feeling sorry that it didn’t work. So, why do people expect that with a negative input you could ever get back a positive outcome? In what world does this logic work? I am not connecting any of this methods to fear, I am going only by logic. Because, of course, if you add in fear… things change. But fear, especially the fear of other people, is a subject for some other time, so in here I will keep it only at criticism level.

Each time I told someone that was criticizing me that it’s not going to work, I won’t do it better if they continue telling me what I am doing wrong, I could see how their face froze in shock and they got lost. How come I didn’t react “well” in that scenario? Why? And, the most common question was “Then how can I make you do it?” And here we get to the main point, here is where the whole critical interaction between two people sits, in “How can I make you do this?”

Nobody can make anybody else do something. Nobody can make someone else change, decide, take action, learn, etc. We can’t force other people into something, we can’t make them do what we want them to do. This is not how life works. Of course we can force them, threaten them, use lots of tools, for our own fear that if they don’t do what we want, we will lose something, but as I said before, this is another story.

So, then, what can we do? What can we do if we really need the cooperation of someone else, and we can’t obligate them to do it? What would be the solution?

Encouraging someone could work, although encouraging someone is not the opposite of criticism. It is 100 times better, but it’s still not the Solution. Encouraging works mainly where people already have self awareness, some self esteem, and some courage. It works where people were already thinking about the same idea that you presented, and by being encouraged it can help them to finally make a decision or take the first step.

But what do you do with someone frozen in front of a situation? I tested it already, both on myself and other people, that encouraging a frozen person doesn’t help. The conclusion that I got to was that Empowering the other one is what works. And then, also from a Human Design perspective, I read a lot and tried a lot with this “empowerment” idea. How to do it? What is it? And, most importantly, how does it work?

I already found my way of empowering others, I noticed I do it intuitively, and for all those years that I have been trying to understand what it means, I had been doing it already!

I will come back in another post with what Empowering the other means to me, and how I noticed it happens, but until then, I would like to know if you are familiar with it, what it means to you, if you have ever felt empowered by someone else and how that fueled you.

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Deep Dive Into Surrendering

I was leaning with my back against a tree, surrounded by complete darkness, in the middle of a forest. I went there for a walk and to clear my mind, which was spinning thoughts at an unbearable speed. I got next to a tree and felt the need to sit down, but there was mud on the forest floor, and the next best thing I thought of was to just lean against a tree. As my back touched the tree, with my hands in my pockets, I sighed. That was the best support I felt I was offered in years. And it came from a tree. I closed my eyes and just took deep breaths of forest scent, sitting in silence and darkness. I felt I had no energy left, all my thoughts, wishes, plans, arrangements, and backup strategies drained my energy. My mind was too much all over the place and tried to fix and control too many things at the same time.

I felt like an exhausted Manifesting Generator. Theoretically I was supposed to be full of energy, do, act, impact, universalize, bring change, and move the Planet. And yet, there I was, with my back against a tree, finally silencing my spinning mind. And I felt peace. As I was focusing on my breath and the silence around me, from behind the clouds, an almost full Moon showed up, illuminating the forest around me, allowing me to see the trees’ crowns uniting up in the sky. I felt protected and safe. The feeling I had was in total opposition with all my mental worries and agitation. There, I could just be, enjoy the moment and lay down any struggle.

That was the moment when instead of thinking about How’s and What’s, thoughts of What if? started crossing my mind.

What if I just paused with all my plans, with all my wishes, with all my race for better, brighter, further, more?

What if everything I had done until now would be lost? What if it was in vain? What if I never find what I am looking for? What if I never “get” what I “want”? What if none of my wishes will come true? What if I never feel what I would like to feel, experience what I would like to experience, get to wherever I am headed to?

What if I just give up? Give up on my approach on things, on my struggles and my worries? What if I detach from all the thoughts I have going on, and just let myself be? What if I give up control and just surrender?

Who would I be if none of my thoughts were to become reality? How would I feel and act, what would I do next, again…who would I be?

I let myself stay with these thoughts, and all the feelings caused by them. Feelings of grieve, loss and sadness. In the end, whatever attachment we let go, comes with a period of feeling loss and grieve. And that is what I was doing, detaching from my thoughts and mind, from all my expectations and desires. I was mourning all the plans and preparations that got lost on the way, and made peace in my heart that they may never come again. I may never get to what I “thought” I wanted, and I was at peace with that.

With my back against a tree, and the Moon gently lighting up my surroundings, I came to realize: this is what being in the experiment of life means! This is what surrender feels like, this is the trigger of faith and what keeps humanity moving. This was the feeling that would overcome uncertainty and confusion: just being! Being in the body, enjoying the moment, with no plans, no predictability, no “must do’s”. Just being! This was the moment that a lot of Human Design teachers mentioned: giving into the body, feeling the moment, taking the mind from behind the wheel. And it felt so good, so freeing! It was like I could take a break, and just let life lead me. I didn’t know anything extra, but life made sense, and there was a feeling of certainty. I caught my mind trying to analyze the source of this new feeling, and I gently shushed it. It could rest, we were OK, we were safe, we were supported and there was no need for it to try to take over control in the attempt to keep us safe. I was OK, nature and life had my back on this!

Besides the moment I first tuned into my Authority, I felt this moment being yet another highlight of my Human Design journey. It finally gave me the perspective on what surrendering to my life and my experiment meant. I had now the feeling for it, and the knowledge came along with that feeling. Now, I knew how it felt to be attuned to myself, how to be centered. And all those things that were catching my attention and draining my energy, got loose.

Who would I be if nothing that I thought of would “go according to the plan”? I would still be, I would still live.

The moonlight and the forest scenario took me back to the Maanhoeve, in the Netherlands! It is an amazing place, full of calm and peace. When I visited it, I felt my mind got quiet on its own, silenced by the nurturing and resting atmosphere. If you’d like to see how it feels like to just let go and take a deep dive into your being and your Human Design experiment, you are more than welcome to join us for a 4 days event. The purpose is to let the mind have some rest and put behind the wheel the feeling that comes with following our Authority: peace, satisfaction, success, and surprise. There is nothing more pleasant than being surprised by what surrendering brings along the way. There is no better feeling than flowing within the stream of life.

Have a look on the link below and let me know if you would like to join.

Gene-keys and Human Design Immersion retreat
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Shine your darkness!

Put a light on it!

It was a dark night, perfect for watching the stars. All I needed was my telescope, and a nice, deep, darkness. The campfire near me was still flickering, and in the beginning, I thought it wouldn’t bother me. I didn’t feel like taking my time and putting out the fire.

With my eye in the telescope’s ocular, I was trying to focus the image, and take a look at Orion’s belt. I noticed something annoying, in the corner of my eye, something that was disturbing my entire focus: the fire. There was no other way for me to continue, it really messed up my focus, unless I put out the fire. So, I took a bottle of water and put it out.

My eyes instantly felt satisfied with the complete, pitch-black darkness. I didn’t even need the telescope anymore, as the Milky Way was showing itself nicely in the sky. My mind was in awe and my eyes refused to blink, not to lose the beautiful scene in front of me. It was silent, and dark, and still. I was amazed and felt grace and gratitude. The thing is, it takes quite some effort to find a good spot, with perfect darkness, to wonder through the sky.

A perfect darkness! We need a perfect darkness, to contemplate and be amazed by the quiet and discrete world surrounding us, by the greatness and the beauty of the Universe.

Jumping a bit to a different subject, the last two years were… let’s say interesting. I don’t know what everyone has been through, but based on my personal experience, I can only imagine. And in these times of trouble and confusion, I saw a lot of motivational stuff praising light, happiness, joy and, what I call, Pink Unicorns!

I felt a paradox, between what I saw posted on the internet, all the motivational and joyous messages, and how I actually felt inside, what was on the news, and the words I was hearing from the people around me. The discrepancy was huge, my mind was in pain, my body started to get tired by all this conflicting information, but my soul was calm and present. I started asking myself: how come, despite it all, my soul is at peace, my fundamental mood is of calmness and serenity. Just like the paradox from the media, there was one in my mind too. After sitting a long time with myself (lockdowns helped a lot with that), I finally understood it: there was no paradox, there is no paradox, it is OK just as is.

We are everything, at the same time. We are both light and darkness, but more than that, we need both light and darkness. I have noticed a trend to promote only light, happiness, positivity and a perfect mood. And on the other side, too little posts, research, documents on how to deal with the bad stuff, how to make it through losing someone, how to breathe another time, another day, how to survive fear, how to deal, in the end, with the negative, bad, ugly, undesirable part of us. I can get why we want to look the other way, and search only the beauty and the silver lining, I definitely understand it, with growing up in a fear based system, where all reasoning was done based on the worst outcome. We got here after hundreds of years of misery, pain and suffering, culminating with the Dark Ages. And after that darkness, and the horror of those centuries, the illuminated era came. Light came into place, and it seems humankind wants to forever forget, dismiss, not talk about those times, and especially the misery that came along. Humankind behaves like a traumatized person, that has been through hard times, and found that the only way to cope with the PTSD is to deny it ever happened! Humanity put the negative thoughts, the negative part of human experience, under the mat, it didn’t clean it, it didn’t get over it, but it left it to rot until the smell of it will force us to act.

But until then, all we see is light and unicorns! We want to dismiss all the “darkness” in us, we define it as not good, as something that has to be eliminated and replaced with positive vibes. We are complete beings, with all the range of feelings, thoughts, experiences that we can have. We shut out half of ourselves, we dismiss half of our personalities, who we are and what we do, by not even wanting to take a look at our dark side. Of course, we get to feel incomplete and insecure! We consider half of our person should not even exist, is shameful, it’s embarrassing, should be cut out completely.

Try driving a 4 wheels car, with only 2 wheels! Try looking at the stars, with the Sun in your eyes (or a camp fire flickering)! It’s exactly the same outcome: nothing proper will happen!

The dark side, the shadow, our negative part, is not there to annoy us, put us in bad situations, destroy us or others. The dark side is there to protect us, keep us surviving, in a world that constantly blames half of our personality. The shadow comes into action, takes over and dismisses anything else when we perceive ourselves to be in danger. It kicks in the survival mechanism, no matter the consequences, it’s following the “do or die” principle. And the shadow kicks in the most, when is blamed or banished. How many times did we feel anger for being ashamed by someone? The anger, the dark thoughts about the other one, shaming us, were there only to keep us from dying of shame. They were there to show us we can still be strong and worthy. Negative feelings and thoughts come from fear, from the fear that our person could be neutralized. So, we can see, as a logical conclusion, that negative feelings are not the enemy, they are there to protect us from a perceived danger. What needs effort and focus is precisely that perceived danger. We shouldn’t shun away the dark thoughts, but we should acknowledge them, observe them and sit with them, so that we can determine their cause, the source of our fear, and work on that.

Thoughts are just thoughts, until they come into action and get materialized. Why are we so afraid of thoughts? Probably because we know only fear and fear related reactions. Most certainly, because we don’t KNOW how to deal with such thoughts. We think we have no saying to them, so we are afraid (again, fear!) that those thoughts will turn into regrettable actions. But if we eliminate fear, the “bad” thoughts also go away. Fighting our thoughts will only cause a fight back from their side, according to one of Newton’s laws, and will only cause a reaction of the same intensity as the feeling. That reaction will either turn the body sick or will make one lose their control and… snap! In which case, the people around will see just the snap, as a bad, shameful consequence of bad thoughts. Yes, that is true, but we should dig deeper and see the cause of those bad thoughts, and eliminate and treat that, which is FEAR.

In the end, our “negative” side, is just a part of us, that can become our friend, our ally or our foe. We can allow it at the negotiation table, while observing in detail it’s reasons and logic. The more we are going to push it away from having a say, the more it will fight back. We can listen to it and get valuable information about why we have certain thoughts and feelings, and it can be one of the best tools to understand and manage ourselves. We can take, as an example, the anger I mentioned above, when someone tries to diminish our efforts. That anger shouldn’t be translated in punching the other one, to make them shut up, but it should be directed inwards, as to finding the reason of it. Maybe the shamed person feels worthless, powerless, ridiculed, overall has a low self esteem. In this case, that anger can show the low level of self esteem, and the person can start working on that, looking for support, improving themselves, seeing their worth and the things they have already achieved. That shame can be then turned into a moment of realizing ones worth, strength and courage, so it can be switched into an asset and a win.

In any case, if we just let our “dark side” speak, state it’s ideas, we might even notice that it doesn’t want to take the lead anymore. I am not saying that we should put our darkness in charge of our lives! But I believe we would be calmer and happier, if we stopped judging, cutting down, and banishing half of who we are and what we feel and experiment.

In certain moments, darkness can show you wonders, can highlight subtle details and bring a whole new perspective on what is in front of our eyes. Just like I needed darkness to see the Universe’s greatness, the darkness inside us speaks about all the possibilities that we have, in order to achieve our own greatness. If we listen to it, it can take us to deep places, where, if we have the courage to take a look, we might find gems and become better, stronger, wiser.

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Are you sure? Are you sure you are sure?

Universe: So… you say you want to get healed, hmmmm? Do you want to live a life of happiness and prosperity? Feel free and light, powerful and worthy, engaged and self confident?

Human: Aham! Yes, please, please, please! I will do ANYTHING!

U: Anything??? Sure???

H: Yes, yes, please, I really WANT it!

U: Don’t you mean You need it?

H: Whatever, just gimme!!! Now! Please! As soon as possible!

U: OK! Let’s play!

And so it begins! The journey to a lighter, nicer, more powerful and self confident YOU. Each time we declare something, just like when writing a code for software programming, the Universe (exactly like the program) will take our desires as absolute truth and start playing it’s role. If we say „Let’s dance”, the Universe takes us for a dance.

There is no right and wrong in the view of the Universe, all is equal and equally important. Our desire is a spontaneous trigger in the world around us. There is no coincindence, no mistake, no flaw. But just like a software program, the Universe returns us only calculations based on the input we give it. A good friend of mine used to tell me that a program, just like a book or anything else created by a person, is only as good as that person was at the time they created their stuff. Of course you write a book or some lines of code in one way when you are 20 years old, and in a totally different way when you 40 or 80 years old. What changes in between? All the choices we made, everything we triggered in the Universe and around ourselves, during all those years.

When we make a declaration as in „ I wish I had that…” or „ I wish I were in that place/position/situation/etc”, or even worse „ I will never do/want/say that again”, strongly connected to „ I wish I hadn’t done/said/took that decision”, the Universe starts working accordingly. Everything we think, feel and especially express, is released in the surrounding space and starts making waves, as in a lake, and wrinkles throughout space.

One of the „in trend” ideas is to get healed. Somehow, through a weird and very off set thinking process, we got to some conslusions:

  • If we heal, we get everything we ever wanted (cars, looks, posessions, MONEY, relationships, etc)
  • Once we heal, our job is DONE, therefor there is ONLY happiness and pink clouds from there on.
  • If we heal, we can TAKE OVER the people around ourselves, show them who’s the boss and make them pay for everything they have done to us
  • Once we heal, we get to retreat to a sunny island, live there laying on our backs for the rest of our lives while everything else will fall, by default, in it’s place.

With all due respect, none of the hypothesis mentioned above is true. Or, at least, not for our true self, even if it might sound right for the Ego.

Healing means breaking loose from the Ego, as the Ego is the shield we put up to endure the world and the lens we use to judge it. Healing comes with uncovering all those hidden corners, cleaning up all the basements of our minds, throwing away all that we valued as treasure, but is, in fact, trash!

Healing means we put up our sleeves and we start working on ourselves. The stronger the Ego, the harder the work, but we mustn’t, by all means, look into fighting it. The Ego is made out of struggle and fight, and will always thrive and enjoy a good fight. And we might even lose the fight, because we should know better, we built it to be strong and withold all that life threw at us.

Healing is like a process in which you perform surgery on yourself (sometimes with help, sometimes on your own): it hurts in the begining, and, depending on the Ego’s strength, it hurts more or less, for a shorter or a longer period. Some people are not ready for that or they get scared, and that’s OK. If we all healed at the same time, this place called Earth would probably be left without a meaning for humans, as this is our playground. We come here to learn, experiment, play in the mud. But just like with kids, from time to time we have to wash ourselves and take a little bit of care of ourselves. Or…just grow the layer of mud on our skin, until it becomes the Wholy Grail of our Ego.

Healing is a process that needs to be done on the soul’s pace, on a convenient rhythm for all three: soul, mind and body. It triggers memories, makes us reevaluate stories, especially OUR OWN story, it makes us doubt past choices, future choices, the meaning of life itself. And that’s OK too. This is how it’s suppose to happen: it’s suppose to shake you to wake you up. Sometimes we even have to demolish completely, do some repairs at the very foundation of our being, so it also takes a quite impressive amount of energy. But it’s also not hard! Once we get ourselves into inertia, it gets easier and easier every time to heal a bad memory, a trauma, a missconception about oneself. Another annoying thing that could happen would be for us to see our dark side, the shadows that we never recognized as belonging to us, because of various reasons. Now this one really hurts! Realising we also did stupid mistakes, bad things to other people, that we are not the victim saints we visualized ourselves to be in our minds. No, we are not perfect either, let’s not turn our every day Ego into a spiritual one: I am cleaning more than you, I am healing more than you, I am better than you! No no, we all have light and shadows, we all use both of them, we are all humans in the end. Healing time is a not a time to be bragging about, but one in which we must finally focus on ourselves. Healing is like defragmenting your computer and making it work better. It’s not about removing the „bad” and becoming all „good” and „saint”, it’s about looking ourselves in the eyes, sorting and properly placing onto drawers all the elements that define us, and using them properly.

And this… doesn’t end until we die. It doesn’t bring instant money, but brings, in time, prosperity and abundance. It doesn’t solve all our future conflicts, but helps us manage them better. It doesn’t punish people around us for „what they have done to us”, neither give us the Lottery jackpot and the possibility to live a life of total waste and expenditure.

But it helps our body function properly and physically heal. It helps us have good and meaningful relationships, good memories, a joy to go through life learning, excitements, energy and drive. Healing makes our souls feel better, and as the line says „On Earth as it is in Heaven, on the outside as it is on the inside”, our life on this planet would be improved.

Universe: Are you sure you are sure you are ready?

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On Holiday / În vacanță

bilingual – scroll down for Romanian

What if there is no struggle? No battle, no effort?

What if we are here just to enjoy the time we spend in this lifetime, as if we were on a vacation? What if this entire life is actually a vacation?

What would you do on a vacation? Do you remember the feeling you had during your last good vacation? Well, that feeling wasn’t because you actually had the chance to take on a vacation, but it was a feeling internally generated. Your soul and mind felt good, so you know how that feels like. There is no need for an external reason for feeling in a certain way, we just like the illusion of considering what is outside of us being an important, and the only, generator of our mood. But our mood is, in fact, generated inside of us, regardless of external factors. So, let’s just untie this need of having something external generating our good feeling, and let’s go back to the previous question:

What if you would feel every day like being on vacation?

What if this a time to rest and enjoy? What if, in this way, the statement made by the majority of religions, that life is a gift, is true?

Imagine in the beginning we got here to enjoy and explore, and simply feel good and have a nice time on this wonderful planet. But fear kicked in, we maybe got scared by the unknown of this 3D world, by its physical rules (ancient people thought lightning strikes are punishment from the gods) and we felt fear for the first time. We felt that our curiosity for exploring this place brought us fear and punishment, thus the myth of falling out of grace and that an eternal, peaceful, easy life became impossible. In the end, who would want to live in fear forever? We tested to see how the fire feels like, we got burnt, we deemed it dangerous. But we didn’t do that just with fire, we did it with everything around us. We got scared, every day a little more. Then, we realized the main way of communication here is by speaking, therefor words had to be used, words that could be easily forged. We also got to learn deceive and the fact that by deceiving others we can get more of this planet. We got more of this planet, we wanted more of it. Because we can’t read minds, touch or see souls, here and now, we realized we can trick, lie, hustle, and all the rest. Over thousands of years, things got more and more twisted, corrupted, and all that feeling good from the beginning just vanished. We forgot about it, and we focused on fear and loss. We created rules, laws, procedures to deal with anything we considered negative, leaving the positive things hanging in the air. We turned our backs to the positive exploration of our world and focused only on the negative ones. The interesting thing comes only now: that which we focus on, grows, and that which we dismiss, dies. We focused on solving the negative stuff, thus generating more and more negative things, we watered it like a weed growing and suffocating any other plant around it.

What about the positive things? Some people tend to have a shock when they hear about positive things in life, because it’s hard for them to identify even one. We are not used to seeing positive things, we are not used to wait and see how things unfold, we are far away from our good feeling kind of life. We have trainings and lessons about how to protect, fight, estimate risks, take care, protect and build walls and while it’s good to have in mind we live in a dual world, why do we forget about the good parts? Why don’t we have courses on how to enjoy life more? On how to relax and let go? On how to look at life and how to understand it? Not to mention that in some cultures, nowadays, relaxing and enjoying things, being easygoing and detached, means you are lazy, not serious and not committed!

How far do we still have to go with this fear and struggle until we realize this is not why we are here? What would it take to rewrite the last couple of thousands of years, and go back to enjoying living now and here, in good peace and harmony amongst other people?

How would you feel on a vacation? Exploring new sites? Not minding about other people, who are also there to relax and enjoy new places? Not taking too many things personally, because, hey, you are on holiday! Not stressing yourself about mandatory tasks, what should and must and has to be done? You already know that feeling, so why not have it every single day, all year round? Why not live your life as if it were a long holiday?

Feeling good and enjoying your life doesn’t make you weak, uninterested or lazy. If anything, it makes you more involved! Just remember how you would look for activities to do, how you would not want to lose one day without doing something that you have dreamed about when you are on holiday.

What if we considered our planet a vacation resort? Where things got off the tracks, indeed, but where things can still be fixed, as long as we remember exactly why we got here, in the first place.

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Română

Cum ar fi dacă nu ar exista ideea de chin? De luptă? De efort?

Dacă suntem, de fapt, aici ca să ne bucurăm de timpul petrecut, ca și cum am fi într-o vacanță?

Ce ți-ar plăcea să faci, dacă ai fi în vacanță? Mai ți minte cum te-ai simțit în ultima ta vacanță? Ei bine, nu ai avut acel sentiment pentru simplul fapt că erai în vacanță, nici nu a fost generat de ceva exterior, ci a venit din tine însuți. Senzația de bine este deci, deja cunoscută, de către sufletul și mintea ta. Nu avem nevoie de nici un motiv extern pentru a fi fericiți și a ne bucura de viață, dar ne place să credem că ceea ce există în afara noatră este mai important și mai palpabil, și deci, singura sursă de fericire pe care o acceptăm. Dar starea noastră de spirit își are, de fapt, originea în noi, în mintea noastră, indiferent de factorii externi, așa că, hai să ne întoarcem la prima întrebare:

Cum ar fi dacă ai avea mereu starea de spirit pe care o ai când ești în vacanță? Dacă acum, singurul lucru pe care îl avem de făcut, este să ne simțim și să ne petrecem timpul ca și când am fi în vacanță?

Dacă viața asta este, de fapt, menită pentru a ne simți bine, a ne odihni și a ne trage sufletul? Dacă, în acest fel, majoritatea sistemelor filosofice si majoritatea religiilor au dreptate când susțin că viața este un cadou?

Să ne imaginăm că la începutul timpurilor, am ajuns prin părțile acestea de Univers ca să explorăm și să ne bucurăm de rezultatul explorărilor. Dar curând ne-a cuprins teama, frica, ne-am speriat de lumea asta materială, de regulile ei simple dar de necontestat (legile fizicii). Să ne aducem aminte doar cum oamenii din antichitate considerau fulgerele sau cutremurele ca și pedepse divine. Am ajuns la concluzii dintre cele mai depărtate de adevăr, cum că setea de explorare sau de cunoaștere aduce durere și pedeapsă, de unde și mitul “căderii din Rai” și al faptului că o viață eternă, pașnică și ușoară este ceva imposibil. Până la urmă, cine și-ar dori o viață întreagă trăită în frică? Mai ales, eternă? Am vrut să testăm cum se simte focul, ne-am ars, l-am catalogat drept periculos, deci trebuie tratat cu frică. Dar nu ne-am oprit la foc, am continuat cu tot ce am găsit în jurul nostru, în aceeași manieră: am încercat, nu ne-a plăcut foarte tare rezultatul (de fapt nu a fos rezultatul la care ne-am fi așteptat, de cele mai multe ori), l-am catalogat drept periculos, și l-am împachetat frumos cu frică. Ne-am speriat în fiecare zi puțin mai mult ca în ziua precedentă, și ne-am scufundat în și mai multă frică. Apoi, am realizat că singura metodă de comunicare aici, între doi oameni, este bazată pe cuvinte (sau cel puțin așa credem). Dar cuvintele pot fi false, putem minți și înșela foarte ușor cu ele. Și ne-am dat seama de lucrul acesta, deci am început să mințim și să înșelăm, mărind și agravând astfel frica deja instalată. Am învățat să vrem tot mai mult, pentru beneficuil personal, încât am ajuns să ne fie frică de faptul că planeta aceasta nu va ajunge pentru toată lumea! Cu cât reușim să avem mai mult, cu atât vrem mai mult, de parcă Pământul s-ar termina mâine și ne luptăm să fim noi cei ce iau cel mai mult, până atunci. Pentru că nu putem citi sau atinge mintea și sufletul, aici și acum, am realizat că putem minți și înșela oricât, pentru propriul beneficiu. De-a lungul miilor de ani, lucrurile s-au complicat tot mai mult, ne-am corupt tot mai mult, până când am ajuns să uităm cu totul de ce am venit, în primul rând, aici. Am uitat scopul primar, și am devenit din ce în ce mai orbiți de frică și de ideea de pierdere. Am creat legi și regulamente ca să avem grijă de toate lucrurile negative și dăunătoare la care ne-am putea gândi, lăsând deoparte lucrurile pozitive și frumoase care ne înconjoară. Ne-am întors spatele explorării pozitive a lumii din jurul nostru, și ne-am concentrat să facem din fiecare descoperire o armă. Dar partea interesantă, abia acum parte: dacă ne e frică de ceva, și ne concentrăm toată atenția pe acel ceva, acel ceva va crește! Și ceea ce nu beneficiază de atenția noastră, moare. Ne-am concentrat atât de mult pe buruieni, că ne-au năpădit, sufocând și planeta, și bunădispoziția celor care încă o mai aveau.

Dar ce zicem despre lucrurile pozitive? Am întâlnit oameni care au fost șocați la auzul cuvintelor “lucruri pozitive în viață„ pentru ca pur și simplu nu își puteau imagina nimic pozitiv sau frumos, relativ la ideea de viață.  Nu suntem obișnuiți să vedem lucruri bune în jurul nostru, și nici nu se învață la școală. Nu suntem obișnuiți să observăm, să contemplăm, să analizăm, și să mai vedem și lucruri pozitive. Avem cursuri și instructaje despre cum să ne apărăm, cum să ne luptăm, să estimăm riscuri, să avem grijă, să (ne) protejăm și să construim ziduri! Și, deși e bine să avem în vedere că trăim într-o lume duală, cum rămâne cu lucrurile bune? De ce nu avem (destule) cursuri de cum să trăim bine, frumos, fericiți? Su despre cum să ne relaxăm și să nu lăam lucrurile personal? Despre cum să ne uităm și cum să înțelegem viața? Ca să nu mai zic că în unele culturi, să te relaxezi și să te bucuri de viață, este o dovadă de lene, superficialitate și lipsă de implicare!

Cât de departe vrem să mergem cu ideea de frică și chin, până când vom realiza, în sfârșit, că nu acesta este motivul pentru care suntem aici? De ce anume am avea nevoie pentru a rescrie ultimile câteva mii de ani, umplându-le de gânduri și stări pozitive? De ce am avea nevoie ca să putem trăi liniștiți și în armonie unii cu ceilalți, pe planeta aceasta?

Cum te-ai simți dacă ai fi în vacanță? Cum ar fi să explorezi locuri noi, să nu te intereseze ce fac alți oameni, să nu iei nimic personal, pentru că, nu-i așa?, ești în vacanță! Cum ar să nu te stresezi de termene limită și activități obligatorii? Sentimentul respectiv deja îți este cunoscut, deci de ce să nu îl folosești și să nu îl simți zilnic? De ce să nu îți trăiești viața ca și când ai fi în concediu?

Nu ești slab sau leneș dacă te simți bine și ai o atitudine relaxată. Ba chiar te face mai implicat și îți oferă șanse mai mari de reușită, în orice îți propui să faci. Gândește-te doar cât de implicat ești în găsirea de activități și locuri de explorat, atunci când îți planifici vacanța, la cât entuziasm și nerăbdare simți, și gândește-te cum ar fi să te simți așa în fiecare zi, făcând lucruri de zi cu zi.

Dacă planeta noastră este doar o mare destinație de vacanță? Un loc unde, bineînțeles, lucrurile nu merg întotdeauna cum am vrea, dar le putem repara, schimba, aranja, în așa fel încât să ne aducem aminte că până la urmă suntem aici ca să ne simțim bine.

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Cu calu’ pe câmp

Îmi doream tare de tot un cal, când eram la grădiniță. Mi-l doream la modul în care visam noaptea că mă trezesc dimineața, sau de ziua mea, sau de orice ocazie se găsea, cu un cal drept cadou. Și nu mă gândeam deloc la ponei, de fapt pe vremea aceea habar nu aveam că există, nu văzusem vreodată unul, că la TV nu prea vedeai nimic iar la o grădină zoologică am fost prima oară prin clasa a II-a. Nu, eu imi doream un cal! Si nu orice fel de cal, ci din acela greu, de munte, care trage buștenii la deal ca pe fulgi. M-au fascinat mereu acești cai, cu forța, rezistența și blana de deasupra copitelor, contrastante cu caracterul lor blând. Știu ca poate mi se par așa blânzi doar mie, dar pentru mine calul întruchipa, și încă o face, animalul suprem, libertate, forță, viteză, ridicarea deasupra tuturor problemelor (unii trec de 3m înălțime la greabăn), tot ce era mai bun și mai frumos. Și neapărat fără prinț! În toate visele mele cu ochii deschiși, eu eram cea trecea în viteză și dând la o parte, cu pletele în vânt, călare pe cal, orice obstacol din calea mea. Ba mai ajutam și pe alții, chiar pe prinț, dacă nu se descurca săracul singur. Dacă ar fii venit cu prințul la pachet, mai mult ca sigur că îl dădeam jos, și îi plecam cu calul.

Bineînțeles că am menționat de muuuulte ori ce îmi doresc, și și mai bineînțeles că nu am primit un cal, având în vedere că stăteam la bloc, la etajul 6. Nu înțelegeam și pace de ce nu puteam avea și eu un cal! Măcar atât! Abia la vârsta de acum mi-am dat seama că de fapt îmi doream libertate, aventură, curaj și ceva senzațional, care la mintea de atunci se traducea într-un cal.

Între timp am crescut, școala a început, și eu…tot cu gândul la calul meu. Și ca să se vadă că nu era doar o dorință copilărească pe care o uiți de cum ai formulat-o, mania asta cu calul…și-a văzut în sfârșit o luminiță la capătul tunelului in ultimul an de facultate! Pe mine când mă apucă vreo idee de genul, mă ține, și mă ține bine. Și dintr-o altă perspectivă, povestea asta cu calul demonstrează și crezul meu că timpul este irelevant, dar o să revin la concluzii puțin mai încolo.

Să revenim la interacțiunile mele de copil născut/crescut/înregimentat la oraș care a dat prima oară față în față cu… dorința vieții mele, întruchiparea fericirii și a happy-ending-urilor: prima lecție de echitație. Că dacă tot o fac, măcar să o fac ca la carte! Am căutat cursuri, m-am înscris, și m-am dus la prima ședință. Am simțit cea mai mare tristețe când am fost informată că o ședință durează doar 50 de minute (așa puțin?!?!) și că există totuși o programă, o procedură, nu te iei și te duci cu calul pe câmpii din prima! Ai de învățat enorm de mult, de la tehnica de urcare, până la cum să stai corect, cu spatele, cu picioarele, cu privirea, etc, o nebunie! A, și în plus, am aflat că s-ar putea să am probleme cu calul, să nu ne înțelegem, că au și ei personalitate și că trebuie să îl domin și să îl fac să mă asculte dându-i căte una cu pintenii ghetelor în abdomen. Să fac ce??? Cum să oblig animalul să facă ce vreau? Cum să mă port așa cu el? Nu merge cu împrietenitul?

Teoria fiind zisă, mă sui eu pe cal, pentru prima oară. Deși bietul Jafar avea abia un pic peste 1.5 m la greabăn, ceva amestecătură de cai mici dar foarte blânzi, mă ia cu amețeală. Încerc să îmi bag picioarele în suporturile de la șa (poate se numesc altfel, dar habar n-am, că eu m-am dus la curs să mă plimb de plăcere cu calul, nu să îmi dau doctoratul) și îmi dau seama că n-am destule picioare. Și nu-s nici destul de lungi, nici în poziția potrivită. Reușesc cumva să mă așez, trag aer în piept adânc și decid să ignor durerea din…șa (șa care nici cum nu reușea să aducă o coerență între fundul meu și spinarea calului). Amețită de exagerata înălțime de 2 metri la care mă găseam pe patru picioare, îmi fac curaj să ii fac semn cu hățurile calului, să pornească. Jafar avea mulți ani, cam nimeni nu știa exact câți, dar era atât de bătrân că era folosit pentru începători din cauză că nu mai era in stare să se opună comenzilor și să se ridice cu copitele din față, deci nu prezenta nici un pericol să te dea de pământ. Nu, de pe Jafar nu puteai să cazi decât din proprie prostie sau dezechilibru, pentru că era atât de stabil încât efectiv nu se mișca din loc. Ca să ajung și la concluzie, ideea este că după 15 (15!!! Doar 15!!!) minute, deja muream pe repede-înainte. Că să nu vă imaginați că pe cal se stă ca sacul de cartofi. Nu, pe cal trebuie să te armonizezi cu mișcările lui, să lucrezi mult din picioare, împingându-te cu tălpile în suportul de la șa ca să-ți ridici fundul când calul merge la trap. Un pas de-al calului, o ridicătură de fund, ca să nu îți pui coloana vertebrală la păstrat pentru zile mai bune. Ușor de zis, greu de făcut atâtea minute, așa că după abia 15 minute eram roșie la față ca o persoană în prag de infarct, aerul îl terminasem de mult și o panică îmi încleșta dinții numărând în cap că mai aveam încă de două ori pe atâta timp până la sfârșitul lecției. Brusc cele 50 de minute păreau o sentință, nicidecum ceva prea puțin. Totuși visul meu din perioada grădiniței nu m-a lăsat să nu duc experiența până la capăt…cât de cât. Am fost aproape la toate cursurile, până când, într-o zi, în timp ce mergeam la trap cu un alt cal, o iapă de data asta, unul din instructorii de acolo s-a enervat pe cal că merge prea încet și a început să amenințe calul cu biciul. Moment în care, deși eram de partea calului, am observat cum este să fi victimă colaterală, când iapa s-a ridicat în două copite de ciuda omului și a luat-o la fugă înspre el să îl atace. Cu  mine călare! Ținându-mă cu mâinile pe după gâtul iepei, rugându-mă în gând la ea să nu mă bage la mijloc.

Aceea a fost ultima mea experiență de gradul III cu un cal. De atunci nu m-am mai suit pe unul, dar visul de avea într-o zi un cal rămâne acolo. Atâta doar că acum știu că fix în acest moment nu am nici loc, nici timp pentru el. Și acum știu că atunci când va fi să îl am, voi ști ce să fac cu el, îi voi pregăti înainte toate cele necesare, dar mai ales disponibilitatea și relația mea cu el. Atunci când visul meu va deveni realitate, nu va conta nici timpul în care am așteptat și nici cine am fost eu la 5 ani. Pentru că dorințele nu se pot împlini până nu suntem în stare să le gestionăm și până nu luăm o decizie să facem ceva pentru visul respectiv. Și nici nu contează cât timp durează până o vedem în fața ochilor, pentru că atunci când se întâmplă, putem ști sigur că am mai evoluat un pic. Se zice că dorințele nu se împlinesc fără niște efort sau sacrificiu. Și da, sunt de acord pentru prima oară cu ideea asta, dar doar pentru că sacrificiul și efortul sunt făcute de către ego, cel care trebuie să își schimbe ”blana”, să miște ceva ca să facă lucrurile să se întâmple. Iar atâta timp cât îi ignorăm tantrumurile lui, cererile lui de ”acum și aici și fără să mișc un deget”, putem să facem orice dorință o realitate.

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Would we still talk to each other?

I look at you and I hear you. I understand your words and I perceive your body language. All the sounds that come from you, the tone, the gestures and… the feelings. I can get agitated or nervous or calm, just by watching you.

But it is not you the one that says what I hear. Your words, you expressing yourself, has to go through my „landing modules”: I receive the information and I unpack it and use it according to my dictionary. What you say has a meaning to me only based on my dictionary. I will never be able to translate your message outside my definitions, just because for now, my imagination is unaware of those possibilities.

But the same happens with you. All the things you tell me are coming already prepacked by your own dictionary. The words you use, your gestures and tone, everything comes fully packed based on your needs, wishes, desires, loss. You also cannot express something that is not familiar to yourself. You will always speak your words, knowing exactly what you meant, while I will be listening to you, considering I fully understand what you wanted to say, but following my own decripting code.

In the case stated above it’s almost as if you tried sendig a boat (because that is the only transportation mean you know) to an airport (as that is the only receiving method I have). Although both boats and airports have to do with sending and receiving packages, I need a lot of immagination to make these work in the same registers.

So, we have the following situation: a boat can’t dock in an airport, but there has to be a way to make this work. Of course, if you don’t care too much about the other person or anybody else, per se, there is no need to look more in deep. But it is stil a good exercise if you want to learn more or just to be able to communicate (not speak!) with as many people as possible.

Taking these from an engineering point of view, the first necessary step is to realise the issue with the boat, airport, garage, car, etc. What I mean is that you have to realise there are a lot of things that can be transmitted using exactly the same words. First you have to become aware that your way of communicating, or other people’s, is not the only way. And is not wrong! Whatever communication method you have, is OK, as long as you are aware of it.

The second step would be to realise other people’s communication method and to try to decode it. That usually goes with asking a lot of questions, with no feelings involved, stating from the begining your clear objective that you would like to better understand the other one. Try decoding as much as possible, but be aware that the other person might not know exactly how he reacts, when, why, and might not be able to explain you their dictionnary. Or they might do it, considering they did an awsome job, and fail miserably. I will explain why, a little bit lower.

The third and final step would be to constantly do maintenance on the your boat-airport kind of relationship. That means that you have to fine tune it, keep up to date and invest time in all this communication stuff.

That’s how it goes in logical, everyday, real life. But that is, most of the times, based on Ego. So that means that everything you or I say, everything you or I understand, will have the first mission to save our own Egos. The rest, is the actual truth, but the main communication is triggered, maintained and insisted upon, in order to protect and make flourish our Ego. Again, this is not a bad thing, as the Ego is just a tool in our hands. The fact that we use it, despite and against others, is a totally different thing. The Ego is simply our survival interface in this world. But it’s perception affects our lives in full mode. Wether it was hurt or just considered it was, it will always assume its own survival depends on thriving inspite anything else, sometimes even inspite of other human beings. It’s main purpose is to keep us alive, just that sometimes it makes us even lose control and do awful things in the name of survival. It is just a tool, but one of which we should be aware and learn to use.

The thing is that unless you are aware of this, you have no idea what triggers and what sets you up. As I said above, some people think they have explained everything perfectly and deem the other one to be an idiot by not undersresting their message (words, intentions, gifts, etc). They don’t understand that what they send as a message, is totally triggered by their hurt Ego, emotions, past experiences, things hidden in the deepest corners of their mind. And that the same happens to the receiver, that understands everything based on his personal experiences and conclusion. Maybe the first one may raise their tone, because of how their boss/parents/tutors did in order to make them pay attention, and the second one might understand he did something wrong, because he was yelled at only when he got in trouble. The words heard by both of them are the same, the messages… far away. Without understanding that the ones speaking and understanding are not their true selves, and without trying to adjust the communication code so that they fall the closest, there is no way in the world for these two people to get along. And their relationship, in case it has to exist due to outside demands, will fail, bringing them to failure too. They will increase their frustration, lower their self esteem, get tired explaining and understanding, and so on.

We are human beings for now, in a material world. Words and feelings and different ways of expressing ourselves are the only tools we have for now. We can choose to refine them, or go by our survival instinct.

But what if we could see each other’s souls? Would we still talk to each other?

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Suflul zilelor noastre

Mi-aduc aminte și acum cum, pe la 5-6 ani, stăteam intr-o zi în pat și mă chinuiam să adorm pentru somnul de prânz. Am considerat întotdeauna dormitul la prânz o corvoadă și o răsunătoare pierdere de timp până prin liceu, dar apoi am ”întors armele” și am devenit cei mai buni prieteni. Dar, revenind la acea amintire, încercam din răsputeri să nu mă mișc, în pat, sub plapumă, cu fața băgată în pernă să nu mă distragă nimic. Și cum stăteam eu așa nemișcată, că mă prinsesem că dacă stau nemișcată câteva minute se pogoară Cerurile peste mine și adorm – ca să nu mai stau absolut inutil în pat în timp ce lumea toată mă aștepta să o descopăr, observ că respir! Și mă gândesc eu cu mintea de 5-6 ani că, uite, asta o să mă țină trează! De câte ori inspiram, simțeam cum imi pleca concentrarea de a nu mă mișca și mă simțeam și mai trează! Concluzia din acel moment, cu acea minte: dacă aș fii putut să fac pauză la respirat, poate dădea norocul peste mine să dorm și eu la prănz, altfel știam că nu aveam nici o șansă.

Sărim acum prin clasa a V-a, unde a dat peste mine alt ”noroc”: alergarea de rezistență! Am urât din tot sufletul meu de om la 10-11 ani alergatul acela! După maxim 5 minute, mă durea gâtul, plămânii se cereau afară, mi se stingea becul și ajungeam undeva la același nivel cu Mama Planetă. De câte ori încercam să dau proba aia a vieții, coșmarul care mă urmărea în fiecare noapte la propriu!, mă lua Mama Planetă în brațe, pe ideea: șezi copile pe fundul tău și respiră! Aveam să aflu peste ani de zile, la un moment dat când m-au apucat și pe mine ”trendismele” cu alergatul, că trebuie să ÎNVEȚI SĂ RESPIRI! Șoc! Nemaipomenit! În școală nu mi-a zis nimeni cum să îmi număr respirațiile pe un număr de pași, nu țin minte să fii zis cineva ceva de dozajul de oxigen și respirațiile complete. Concluzia mea de atunci: să iau notă mare la alergarea de viteză, poate și cu obstacole, că la aia de rezistență… renunțam din start. Pentru alergarea de viteză îmi făcusem eu o strategie de alergat cu o singură gură de aer. Aveam viteză, nu pierdeam vremea să respir, dar la sfârșitul probei eram mai mult decât supraobosită fizic și aveam febră musculară încă o săptămână.

Apoi a venit… viața. A venit sarcina și toată inerția vieții mele a fost dată peste cap. La cursurile prenatale am învățat prima oară despre ce înseamnă să respiri corect și cum te poate ajuta asta. Pierdusem deja 26 de ani din viață respirând aiurea, din instinct, fără să mă gândesc prea mult la ce înseamnă asta, ce produce in corpul meu și cum ai putea chiar să o folosești în beneficiul tău. Deși n-am apucat să aplic multe din cele învățate la curs pe când s-a născut copilul, în primele luni m-am văzut nevoită să caut metode de a adormi instant odată cu el, și la comandă, ca să nu fiu un zombi ambulant și letargic din cauza nopților nedormite. Și ghici surpriză! Cele mai multe filme si documentare care tratau insomniile dădeau ca metodă nemedicamentoasă… număratul respirațiilor, cu concentrare pe inspirație și expirație până adormi. Zis și făcut, m-am apucat de treabă, și cam in două săptămâni, taman pe când copilul se obișnuiese să doarmă nopțile legate, am învățat și eu să adorm la comandă. Lucru care totuși s-a dovedit ulterior folositor in cazuri de schimbări de fusuri orare sau ture lungi de lucru. Concluzia mea de data aceasta: îți poți învăța corpul să facă foarte multe lucruri și singurele lucruri de care ai uneori nevoie e să fii conștient că respiri și să ști să numeri!

In urmă cu exact doi ani, după o răcealo-gripă care a durat vreo 6 luni, după sinuzite tratate cu săptămânile degeaba cu tot felul de combinații de antibiotice, am tras o concluzie asupra mea: trebuie să fac ceva cu mine!!! Așa că am început iar să citesc, despre tot felul de metode alternative, naturale si fără nici o substanță sintetică, să îmi las în pace măcar stomacul și ficatul, că mai aveau puțin și își băgau preavizul. Deja fusesem la niște cursuri de dezvoltare personală, și mai era unul care tot fusese prezentat și anunțat de mai multe ori dar nu mă atrăsese până atunci. Era unul care ținea mai mult de corp decât de minte, nu prea vedeam eu legătura între corp și minte pe atunci, dar am zis să fie. Că dacă tot mi-l scoate Universul în față, considerând că nu sunt setările de cookies, am zis hai să încerc. În cel mai rău caz aflu tot ce știam deja. Ei, abia acolo am înțeles exact cum se stă cu mintea, corpul, ce și cum se întâmplă între cele două și cam pe unde să cauți prin tine după ce ai epuizat stocul de pastile din casă. Poți lua tratamente prescrise pe Lună și livrate din Ceruri, dacă crezi că nu te ajută, și/sau dacă nu schimbi ceva si la abordarea minții, tot te vei îmbolnăvi și tot nu-ți va trece. Și încă ceva, o respirație corectă, plus niște gânduri sănătoase, îți pot asigura greutatea dorită fără să alergi degeaba pe coclauri, o stare musculară foarte bună fără antrenamente la sală și multe alte beneficii.

Am învățat de-a lungul timpului să respir și să observ. Am înțeles că atunci când respir, îmi exercit dreptul fundamental și de bază la supraviețuire. Am început să fiu atentă la cât și cum respir, măcar din când în când, deși un călugăr buddhist învață aproximativ 20 de ani, in anii de inițere, doar cum să respire. Am realizat că degeaba ai orice altceva, dacă n-ai aer și că dacă vrei să fii încrezător, ia o gură bună de aer și apoi apucă-te de lucru. În fiecare gură de aer sunt miliarde de particule care ne leagă pe toți: tot aerul din atmosferă a fost recirculat de la începuturile planetei și până acum de mai multe ori. Inspirăm moștenirea celor care au fost înaintea noastră pe aici, și ne expirăm gândurile și trăirile pentru cei care urmează să vină. Aerul (oxigenul) este indiscutabil cea mai necesară și vitală resursă de care avem nevoie. Și respirația este printre primele care trădează lipsa de încredere, stresul și furia, fiind superficială și deconectându-ne de la realitate. Cu cât inspirăm mai adânc și cu mai multă încredere, cu atât suntem mai prezenți în realitate.

Și pentru că tot am scris de respirație, cred că cea mai comună problemă cu ea este atunci când răcim! Atunci toate cerurile se închid, odată cu înfundarea nasului, viața pare o încercare disperată de a mânca/bea/vorbi/dormi printre crize de tuse și muci și, într-un mod miraculos, ne dăm seama că corpul nostru nu face ce vrem noi! Noi vrem să tragem de el, să îl utilizăm până la epuizare, să fie la ordinele noastre 24 din 24, că de aia e acolo! Nu, corpul nostru ”nu de aia e acolo”, dar despre asta, intr-un alt capitol, și atunci când chiar nu mai poate negocia cu mintea pentru puțină pauză, o lanseaza unilateral. Ca într-un contract, corpul suspendă momentar orice activități, până la refacerea efectivului, și abia apoi lasă mintea să preia controlul. Să fiu sinceră cu mine, de fiecare dată când am răcit, treceam prin etape de schimbare: casă, job, situație financiară, care la un moment dat m-au copleșit, și neștiind cum să le gestionez, corpul meu a decretat pauză și…m-a pus puțin în așteptare.

Zilele acestea am încercat să îmi aduc aminte cât mai mult să respir, conștient și complet. Îmi dau seama că m-am cam lăsat pe pilot automat în ultima perioadă și de o vreme nu mi-am mai băgat corpul în seamă. Poate ar fi cazul să îl iau la o discuție până nu o ia pe arătură iar unilateral.

Și dacă n-ați încercat până acum, vă sugerez următoarele exerciții de respirație. Sunt chiar curioasă dacă veți simți efectele, altele decât binecunoscuta hiperventilare, dacă sunt efectuate pentru prima dată sau în ritm prea alert. Se recomandă să începeți cu 2-3 minute de exerciții pe zi, și apoi să măriți durata. Respirațiile se recomandă a fii efectuate cu spatele drept, într-o poziție relaxată, cu mărirea cavității abdomenului și nu a pieptului.

  • 5-5-5 – adică timp de 5 secunde inspirați, 5 secunde mențineți respirația și 5 secunde expirați.
  • 5-10-5 – aceeași pași dar cu alte limite in timp, exprimate tot în secunde

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Set the mindset

Remember the feeling before an exam? Being relaxed (or not 😀 ), waking up, getting ready for the day, walking down to school/high school/university and… getting all stressed up and worried once you make it into the crowd waiting before the doors of the examination room.

You know what you know, or what you don’t know, you were relaxed, but now the blood is pumping, heart pounding in your ears, breath is rapid and superficial, your adrenaline levels are sky rocketing!

Or maybe the idea of getting a surgery or any other kind of medical intervention (who hasn’t been at least once at the dentist’s?) sounds more familiar? You know you have to make it, you know you won’t get by without it, you know it would do you good. And you are maybe even relaxed, at peace and comfortable with the idea! But then, you get to the hospital and… it all goes down! You see all the people suffering, hurting, maybe even whining and you start having second thoughts, cold feet, doubts, you would do anything to escape that area.

It goes the same with almost all the aspects of our life: we get influenced by the ones surrounding us. We embrace their feelings, we kind of get contaminated with their feelings and impressions, and based on our endurance, we give in to their influence sooner or later. This is no secret, we influence each other without even realizing it, there have been numerous studies about presenting the same gestures as other people in the room, after spending a certain period in the companionship of those people, gestures taken unconsciously from our parents, care takers, friends, or even from people who we dislike. Although this is not wrong if we do it willingly, in order to “borrow” healthy habits or gestures, this can be very dangerous when done unconsciously. And it gets worse when, being presented with the facts, we dismiss them for not being true. This is the way we can be influenced up to manipulation, with our consent, without even knowing about it.

The more you spend time with a group of people, the more you get influenced by them in a lot of conscious and unconscious manners. Which is OK, it helps us evolve, learn and borrow skills from each other. But what happens when it holds us back? What if it gives us a view on life that is more restrictive than expansive? Do we go on with it? Do we fight it? Do we even realize it?

The fact is, it’s hard to realize that we “borrowed” indeed the thoughts or the reactions, because all this works at a subtle level, affecting directly our subconscious. We are set up from birth with the ideas, rules and impressions of the ones around us. We learn their words and their values, from the names and the differences between colors, to the meaning of good and evil in life. We are thought about “impossible” things and desirable outcomes. We are told stories and we make expectations. Depending on the stories we are told and the outcomes of the actions of the people around us, we draw our own conclusion: life is easy, life is hard, I will never make it, I will make it just like my ancestors, etc.

And we embrace this mentality, this mindset, passed through generations. It becomes our only reality and shapes our surroundings, defining who we are. We embrace it just like a fish, that spends its entire life under water, and if told that there are birds that can fly and breathe air, it categorizes as absurd and nonsense, because no fish has ever flown, therefor nobody can.

The only way to detach from this mindset that occupies every single millimeter of our lives, is to detach from it. No matter how much we are pressured to conform, no matter how much we are told to stop asking questions and to obey, we must detach from it and leave. From a good distance, all the aspects in a person’s life start making sense. From a healthy distance, we can even find reasons to laugh at our concerns, see the irrelevance in some of our wishes, and most importantly, see clearly what is benefic and healthy for us! Because nobody can tell us what is actually good for us, at least not as an absolute rule. We all have our unique way of being happy, satisfied with our lives, we know our own needs and possibilities.

Even if it’s hard to resist all the voices that suggest or demand you to obey and do things like everyone else, if you feel it’s not right, just leave! Go somewhere where you can be out of any influence, somewhere where you can feel and hear only yourself. Give yourself time to silence all the outside noise from your mind, breathe without hurry, spend some time in silence. Without external echo in your ears, you can make lifelong decisions, you discover your own possibilities and talents and you start living your own life.

And when you know for sure who you are, what you need and want, what is your approach on life, return and help change the odds. But remember to always go back to yourself, detach again, each time you feel your own will suffocated, because the way the mindset of the others affects us is an insidious process and it seems that the most contagious “disease” is fear.

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