My Experiment

More than three decades ago, I was born into this life. I grew up between people, heard their believes, took as my own a few of them, rejected others and tried to make it through. As a child, I had a strong feeling that the world around me was weird. I could clearly see and understand things for which I was told I was a fool, and I wasn’t right. I had a very strong voice as a child, I was a Why? Child, constantly arguing, debating, questioning. I could not do something or obey to a rule without understanding its roots, its cause and the logic behind it. For this I had quite a hard time in school, and let’s not mention the teenage years.

I learned, but not easily or quickly, that life is a struggle, a fight, a survival matter. I learned to shut up, dismiss my voice, drown my gut feeling and go with the “normal way”. So, I started playing life by the rules made up and invented by those who could not thrive on their own. I started playing by the fear based rules that humankind as a species put on a pedestal, and I became good at it. In fact, so good that fear was the only drive in my life, my only reason for doing anything.

But you see, none of us is alone in this, plus no matter how much we go astray from the actual path, life always brings us back on track. I derailed and my body suffered the consequences. It started acting out, hurting and acting like a millstone in my way. I started hating it, pushing it, criticizing it, in the end, all the things I learned so well to do! I became so good at beating myself up that my body had to let go totally, to shake me to wake me up. It failed, and I felt miserable. I realized that is was one thing to play out with a functioning body, and a totally different story to try it with a malfunctioning shell. It brought me to the point where my mind started questioning everything until then and finally looked out for other possibilities.

This is how, due to physical pain, and a book fallen accidentally from a shelf in a shopping mall, I went to my first meditation workshop. I entered there as a skeptical know-it-all engineer and left the building with my mind blown away in pieces, and a recovering body. I met a person that with a single look at me knew how to scoop so deep that it unburied all the shadows, everything that I became so good at dismissing. She would break me into pieces just to put me back together in the next session. But deep inside I always knew that even if she was holding all my circuits in her hands, in the end she will rearrange them nicely. It was the first time I trusted a total stranger, with the insides of my soul.

And that was 8 years ago, the beginning of a never-ending journey! Because the soul never ceases to learn and exist. I read, learned, observed and practiced. Nothing would work without practice, the level can’t be changed or elevated. So, I started with all the religious scripts I could find. I read the Buddhist texts, the Vedas and Native American thoughts and prayers, amongst others. I did a lot of guided meditation and I also guided other people into meditation. I tested everything before passing it on to someone else. I was always skeptical, and I never went along with blind faith. In fact, I discovered there is nothing mystical about the world around us, it’s just pure Physics. The fact that our minds can’t fully understand everything, so we call it “magical” is a different story, but in the end every little thing has an explanation and a “manual”.

So, after experimenting with ThetaHealing, breathing exercises, guided and simple meditation, astrology, Physics and Astronomy, I was still not happy with the whole picture I put together. Something was missing! Although I was constantly told that there is no such thing as a manual for living life, I just knew there has to be something, You see, for me impossible doesn’t exist and there is nothing more that I like than a good dare! This is how I found Human Design. Actually, I didn’t find it, because you never find it, it finds you. I was told, by my first meditation facilitator, that I was a Manifesting Generator and that my line would be difficult. The words didn’t ring anything in my head back then, it was only after I had a child of my own that I thought about it again. My child, although mine, was nothing like me, so I had to find out what was going on, the Why’s and the How’s.

This is how I discovered I am a Manifesting Generator (Time Bender) – 5/1, with the Left Angle Cross of Duality typed on my forehead. Just joking about the forehead, but only reading about these few things opened my eyes and brought clarity so much about everything I had been through. With every read line, with every statement about the details above, I was feeling as if somebody watched me for my entire life and put together an actual manual that I could use. It opened my eyes about my actions, and even more, about other people’s actions.

My intention is to explain how I experiment this life as a woman, Manifesting Generator, Sagittarius with Leo rising, Fire Tiger, all the other labels put together and, on top, as a human being! Welcome!